A Girl Out of Time

🕰️ The Timewalker: Part One – The Threads We Carry

This is the first part of a story I’ve been writing—about Wren, a young autistic and ADHD woman who can time travel with her black cat, Cat. She doesn’t change history with brute force—she changes it with empathy, insight, and by seeing what others miss. This is for anyone who’s ever felt too much, asked too many questions, or been told they don’t belong. You do. We always have.

A quote on aged paper reads: 'If I cannot change history now, perhaps I can plant questions in the hearts of women who will.' - Eliza Schuyler

Chapter One: The Crack in the Wall

Wren didn’t notice the crack until Cat meowed at it.

She was mid-scroll, knees pulled up to her chest, half-wrapped in a blanket burrito on her thrifted couch. Outside, the sky was sulking in that half-hearted spring way—too grey to be comforting, too cold to justify another hot chocolate. Cat, for his part, had been sitting by the back wall for a solid ten minutes, staring like it had personally offended him.

“Okay,” she muttered. “What existential threat have you found now?”

Cat flicked his tail once, slow and deliberate, and didn’t look at her.

Wren squinted at the wall. She’d lived in this studio apartment for three months now. The paint was peeling. The windows whined when the wind blew. The radiator was possessed. But the wall? The wall had never cracked before.

She stood, her joints stiff, and padded over in sock feet. The air near the wall felt colder. Not “the landlord forgot to insulate” cold—off cold. Like a breeze from a place that wasn’t here. She pressed her hand to the surface.

The crack was hair-thin but long, stretching like a jagged smile from the baseboard halfway up the plaster. Wren traced it with one finger. It thrummed faintly beneath her touch, like a heartbeat. Like it was… waiting.

Nope. Nope nope nope.

She stepped back. “Okay, no haunted apartment wall nonsense today.”

Cat meowed again, sharper this time.

Wren sighed. “You’re a menace.”

She scooped him up. He was heavier than he looked, all muscle and indignation. He immediately began to purr, but his eyes stayed fixed on the wall.


Wren had always noticed things other people didn’t.

The way certain lights buzzed so loudly she couldn’t think. The subtle shift in someone’s tone before they got annoyed. The patterns in ceiling tiles. The weight of words unsaid.

It wasn’t magic, exactly. Just her brain doing its own thing. A blessing and a curse, depending on the day.

Today, it mostly felt like a curse.

She’d been running on fumes for months before she finally crashed. Dropped out of her grad program. Stopped replying to texts. Moved back to her hometown because the rent was cheap and nobody asked questions.

Everyone said she was “too smart to burn out.” As if intelligence could somehow override sensory overload or social exhaustion. As if she hadn’t been masking since age five and it didn’t cost her everything.

The only one who didn’t expect anything from her was Cat. And possibly the wall.


That night, Wren couldn’t sleep.

She lay on her side, staring at the ceiling fan creak its slow, tired circles. Cat was curled at the foot of the bed, snoring in his own weird little way—like a tiny engine powering some ancient machine.

At 2:13 AM, she got up and padded to the wall again.

The crack was glowing.

Barely. Faint enough she might have missed it if not for the way the light danced—blue and silver, like moonlight on water.

She knelt. Reached out.

The moment her fingertips brushed the glow, the air shifted. Her room dissolved.

The couch, the radiator, the fan, the city outside—gone.

Replaced by warmth. Dust. Sunlight filtering through olive trees.

And a boy in a white tunic staring at her like she’d just fallen out of the sky.

Which, to be fair, she sort of had.

Chapter Two: Olive Branches and Open Mouths

The first thing Wren noticed was the heat.

It wasn’t the cloying humidity of Florida, or the stale radiators she grew up with—it was dry and golden, like sunlight had been ground into dust and sprinkled across the earth. The air smelled like dirt, thyme, and something floral she couldn’t name.

The second thing she noticed was that she was barefoot.

The grass was soft but scratchy. Too real. Too here. She looked down and realized her hoodie and leggings were still on her body, but the crack in the wall—the wall—was nowhere in sight.

And the boy in the tunic was still staring at her.

He looked about her age, maybe younger, with a face carved in curiosity and wide, stunned eyes. His tunic was off-white and belted at the waist. He held a clay jar in one hand, frozen mid-step.

“Uh,” Wren said. “Hi?”

The boy blinked. “You speak Greek?”

Wren blinked right back. “I—what?”

The words had slipped out of her mouth in her usual accent, but he had spoken something entirely different, and she had somehow… understood it. Not like she was translating, but like her brain had already sorted it before she could even question it.

“I—guess so?” she said.

He took a cautious step forward. “Are you a spirit?”

Wren blinked. “No. Just a girl. With a cat. Who is… not currently visible.”

Cat, of course, had disappeared.

Or had never come through the crack at all.

Her stomach flipped.

“Where am I?” she asked. “This isn’t Florida. This isn’t… this isn’t 2025.”

The boy tilted his head. “Twenty-what?”

Wren took a deep breath. The scent of olive trees hit her full force. She turned in a slow circle. Beyond the grove was a cluster of stone buildings, whitewashed and glowing in the late-afternoon light. Hills rose in the distance, dotted with cypress trees. A goat bleated somewhere nearby.

“I think,” she said softly, “I just time traveled.”

The boy dropped his jar.

It shattered on the ground.


They called him Thanos. Not like the purple guy, but short for Athanasios. He led her toward the village, cautiously, like she might disappear or smite him at any moment.

Wren was too overwhelmed to do anything but follow.

Her senses were on fire. The sound of sandals against the packed earth, the way the sky seemed wider, the chirping of insects—everything was so loud, so unfiltered. There was no air conditioning hum, no traffic, no glowing screens. Just… life.

And smells. Cooking fires. Wild herbs. Animal musk. Sweat.

Sensory overload threatened to swallow her whole.

“Breathe,” she whispered to herself. “In. Out. In. Out.”

Thanos looked over, concerned. “You’re not ill, are you?”

“No. Just… autistic.”

He frowned. “I do not know this word.”

Wren exhaled through her nose. “That makes two of us, honestly.”


The village was small—white buildings with flat roofs, narrow pathways, and pottery everywhere. People wore tunics, worked with their hands, and gave Wren many side-eyes as she passed.

A woman muttered something and made a gesture with her hands. A little girl pointed and laughed. A goat tried to eat Wren’s hoodie drawstring.

Thanos whispered, “They think you’re a nymph. Or a witch. Or Hermes in disguise.”

“Well,” Wren muttered, swatting the goat away, “Hermes does have great taste in shoes.”

“Who sent you?” he asked seriously. “The Oracle?”

“I don’t think anyone sent me. Unless Cat counts.”

Thanos stared.

Wren pinched the bridge of her nose. “I don’t even know why I’m here, okay? One minute I was in my apartment, touching a weird crack in the wall, and the next I’m standing in an olive grove getting goat-nibbled.”

“I believe you,” he said. “Strange things happen in this land.”

They reached a house with wide stone steps and a columned entrance. “My father is a philosopher,” Thanos said. “He’ll want to speak with you.”

“Oh great,” Wren muttered. “A man with opinions.”


As she stepped into the cool interior, Wren paused. The house smelled like ink and parchment, and roasted garlic. A different kind of grounding.

The moment she entered, an older man looked up from a scroll. His eyes narrowed as he took her in—sweatpants, hoodie, messy bun, and all.

“Who,” he asked in a measured voice, “is this?”

“This is Wren,” Thanos said. “She fell from the sky.”

Wren opened her mouth. Closed it. Sighed. “Hi.”

The philosopher stood. “You are not from here.”

“Nope.”

“You wear strange clothing.”

“Comfy,” she said, tugging on her hoodie.

“You are alone?”

“…I lost my cat.”

There was a beat of silence.

And then the philosopher did something strange.

He smiled.

Chapter Three: The Quiet Ones

The philosopher’s name was Damon. His house smelled like intellect and olives.

Wren spent the next few days sleeping in a corner room with a woven mat, trying to make sense of the century she’d fallen into. Cat was still missing. Every morning, she scanned the hills and alleyways. Every night, she whispered into the warm, candlelit dark, “Find me, please.”

But she wasn’t idle.

She asked questions—more than most people thought proper—and she answered with precision, especially when Damon invited her to his gatherings with other thinkers.

At first, they humored her. Then they underestimated her. Then they realized she could run mental circles around them.

Wren had always thought in spiderwebs—a million threads spinning at once, connecting across time and space and seemingly unrelated things. In this world of orators and scholars, her fast, pattern-obsessed brain was suddenly not a liability but a superpower.

Still, the women never spoke.

They poured wine, prepared figs, swept thresholds.

One afternoon, Wren caught a girl named Myrine watching her.

She was maybe twelve, eyes like polished amber, and she flinched every time someone raised their voice. She barely spoke, and when she did, she whispered in rhymes under her breath.

Wren approached slowly, like she might a bird in the woods.

“You think in pictures too, don’t you?” Wren asked.

Myrine nodded so faintly it was like her head caught a breeze.

Wren knelt beside her. “Do you hate loud sounds?”

Another nod.

“Do you repeat things in your head when the world feels too big?”

This time, Myrine smiled. Not big. Just enough.

“You’re not broken,” Wren said gently. “You’re like me.”


They met in secret—Myrine and three other girls who never quite “fit.” One lined up pebbles along the edge of the courtyard and remembered everything. One hummed tunelessly and had eyes that darted everywhere, absorbing it all. One never made eye contact but painted wild, aching beauty in the dirt with a stick.

They had been called “difficult.” “Touched.” “Useless.”

Wren called them brilliant.

She told them they were ancient minds living in a world that didn’t know how to see them.

And they listened—rapt, wide-eyed, and lit from the inside.

Wren taught them how to name their needs. How to stim safely. How to use metaphors and speak in ways the world might understand. Not to conform—but to be heard.


The debate came on the fifth evening.

A philosopher named Nikandros—booming voice, broad shoulders, ego like Mount Olympus—declared that women were unfit for reason. “Emotion is their language. They do not possess the spine for truth,” he said, sipping wine like the world existed to applaud him.

Wren rose slowly.

She hadn’t planned to speak.

But rage was a kind of lightning, and she had long since stopped trying to contain it.

“If emotion disqualifies a person from truth,” she said, “then why do your men kill over insults and spill blood for pride?”

Laughter rippled across the room. Uneasy. Intrigued.

Nikandros squinted. “You misunderstand our customs.”

“No,” Wren said. “I question them. That’s different.”

Damon, seated nearby, gave a single approving nod.

“You think yourself clever,” Nikandros said. “But cleverness is not wisdom.”

“No,” Wren agreed. “But noticing patterns is. And I see a pattern in who is allowed to speak, and who is told to pour the wine.”

A stunned hush.

Wren pressed forward.

“I’ve watched women listen more closely than any man here. I’ve seen young girls calculate silence like it’s currency. We have minds like rivers and memories like maps. We see what you miss because you dismiss it.

Nikandros rose.

“Would you debate me, then?” he asked, half-mocking.

“I already am,” Wren said, and smiled.


They debated for hours. Rhetoric, logic, ethics.

Wren was relentless—her ADHD hyperfocus locked in, her autistic need for precision turned razor-sharp. She took every assumption and flipped it inside out like a garment.

When the crowd finally dispersed, it was with muttering, awe, and no clear victor.

But Nikandros sat down quietly.

And poured her the wine.


Later that night, as the sky bruised purple over the hills, Wren sat beneath a fig tree with Myrine and the others. They practiced words: “I prefer quiet.” “I need space.” “Please speak slower.”

Myrine asked, “Will girls like us ever be remembered?”

Wren looked out at the horizon.

“Maybe not by name,” she said softly. “But I think—maybe—they’ll remember the shift. Like something cracked open here, and the light changed.”

A sudden rustle behind her.

Wren turned—and there, trotting across the grass like he owned the timeline, was Cat.

“Mrrp,” he announced, tail high.

Wren let out a laugh that turned into a sob. She scooped him up and held him to her chest.

“You found me,” she whispered. “I knew you would.”

Cat headbutted her chin.

“Okay,” Wren said, wiping her face. “That’s enough emotional vulnerability for the day.”

Chapter Four: The Smell of Smoke and Salt

The wind changed first.

It swept in low and strange through the fig trees, curling at Wren’s ankles like invisible ribbon. The hairs on her arms stood up. Even Cat paused mid-paw-lick and blinked toward the hills like he heard something she couldn’t.

Wren stood slowly, narrowing her eyes at the horizon.

The world shimmered. Just slightly. Like a heat wave or a memory.

She looked at the girls, still laughing and etching patterns into the dirt.

A pang of ache tightened in her chest. She didn’t want to leave them. She hadn’t realized until now that she could.

But the tug in her ribs, the pulse in her temples—it was starting again. The same way it had before.

Time was shifting.

Calling her forward.

Cat leapt onto her shoulder like he knew what was coming.

“Tell your truths,” she whispered to Myrine. “Even if the world isn’t ready.”

Myrine nodded, solemn and glowing like she’d swallowed a little sun.

And then, in a blink—

The world fractured.

A sharp CRACK, like thunder pulled sideways. Air ripped open in front of her—a seam of light and wind and impossible sound—and Wren was lifted off her feet, not by force but by fate.

Cat yowled, claws digging into her hoodie.

There was no time to scream.

Only a flicker of images: ink-stained parchment, cobblestone streets, muskets in shadow, candles behind shuttered windows, and the smell—smoke and salt and something like revolution.


She landed hard.

On her side, in a narrow alleyway, pressed between two brick buildings that felt too close. The air was colder. Damp. And filled with sound—horse hooves, footsteps, men shouting about shipments, someone ringing a bell.

Cat launched from her shoulder, hissed at a passing rat, then casually started licking his paw like he hadn’t just been yeeted through a time-hole.

Wren groaned, sat up, and checked herself. No broken bones. Her brain was buzzing like a hive, though. The sensory input was intense—unfiltered, wild. A whole new century was crashing in.

She took a deep breath and looked around.

She was in a port town. Somewhere northern. The street signs were carved wood, and everyone was dressed in layers of wool, linen, and pride.

A boy nearby looked at her with wide eyes and dropped his basket of apples.

“Sorry,” Wren muttered, trying to act like she hadn’t just fallen out of a tear in the space-time continuum.

She stood up and adjusted her coat.

“I need to stop landing in eras where pants on women are a scandal,” she muttered.

Cat meowed in agreement.


As they wandered toward the noise of the town square, Wren caught fragments of conversations:

“…British troops settin’ up down by the wharf…” “…Governor’s tax again, it’s robbery…” “…Franklin says we need to organize…”

Wren’s heart sped up.

She wasn’t in just any moment.

She was in the thick of it—colonial America, right before the Revolution.

A time when everything was about to ignite.

And Wren, girl of patterns and paradox, had a front row seat.

She turned to Cat. “Alright, buddy. Let’s go accidentally change history—again.”

Cat blinked slowly, like he was the one keeping it all together.

They stepped into the square.

The scent of rebellion lingered in the air like smoke that hadn’t started rising yet.

Chapter Five: The Quiet Power of Eliza

The square was alive.

Voices overlapped in a symphony of tension: merchants haggling over taxed goods, young boys dodging carts with handmade pamphlets clutched in ink-stained hands, and soldiers on the edge of suspicion.

Wren kept her head low and her mouth shut. Observation first—always. That’s what made her a decent time traveler: she didn’t barge in with answers. She watched. She listened.

And she followed the thread of discomfort. That strange static that came when the world felt off—not just politically, but personally. That thread always led her to people who felt like her. People whose inner lives didn’t fit into the neat boxes history tried to fold them into.

Which is probably why she noticed her.

A woman in a slate-blue dress, standing slightly apart from the bustle, one hand pressed to her chest like she was holding in a breath. She wasn’t panicked. But her eyes… her eyes flicked across the crowd like she was scanning for patterns.

Like she saw too much—and didn’t know where to put it all.

Cat slinked ahead, tail high.

Wren followed.

When she got closer, she recognized her. From paintings. From letters she’d studied in her college history seminar, back when she was still trying to pass as “normal” and didn’t yet know her brain was wired differently.

Eliza Schuyler Hamilton.

Not yet the wife of Alexander. Still Eliza Schuyler. But already brilliant. Already overlooked.

Wren approached slowly. “Excuse me… are you alright?”

Eliza blinked, startled. “I—yes. I believe so. Just… too many voices at once. My sister says I feel everything too much.”

Wren smiled gently. “That’s not a flaw. It’s a skill—just not one this world knows how to use yet.”

Eliza tilted her head. “Do we know each other?”

“No,” Wren said carefully. “But maybe we should.”

Cat brushed against Eliza’s leg, purring softly. She knelt instinctively and stroked his fur with the kind of tenderness that made Wren’s throat tighten.

“You’re not from here, are you?” Eliza asked.

Wren’s lips twitched. “That obvious?”

“Not your accent. Your eyes. They look like they’ve seen something the rest of us haven’t yet.”

Wren took a breath. “I know what it feels like to be underestimated. To be too much and not enough at the same time. To hold so many ideas in your head it feels like you’ll crack open if you don’t let them out—but no one listens.”

Eliza stared at her.

Then slowly—slowly—she nodded.

“There is something I’ve been writing,” she said cautiously, “but my father believes it improper.”

“I’d love to read it,” Wren said. “Or hear it. Or help you finish it. Whatever you need.”

For the first time, Eliza smiled.

“Then perhaps we should talk.”


Over the next few days, Wren and Eliza met in secret corners of the garden or tucked behind shelves in her family’s expansive library. Eliza shared drafts of letters—sharp and articulate, questioning loyalty, liberty, and the roles women were expected to play in a revolution that barely saw them.

Wren encouraged her to keep writing.

They spoke of freedom—not just the country’s, but their own.

They even joked about Wren entering a public debate disguised as a young male scholar. “No one would expect a woman to argue Plato better than half the men in Boston,” Wren smirked.

“Especially not one with a cat on her shoulder,” Eliza teased.

Cat sneezed dramatically.


On the day of the debate—a gathering of men discussing “the moral implications of resistance”—Wren did exactly what she wasn’t supposed to do:

She showed up. Uninvited. Underdressed. Unapologetic.

And when a man half-drunk on brandy scoffed that women were too emotional to understand liberty, Wren rose from her seat, cleared her throat, and said:

“Then you haven’t been listening to the right women.”

And she spoke.

Not just for herself. Not just for Eliza. But for every woman who carried the revolution in her bones and was told to stay quiet.

And for once, the room listened.

Eliza, standing in the back, didn’t cheer.

She nodded. Like something had shifted.

And maybe it had.


That night, the portal returned—rising behind the Schuyler family’s stable like fog burning gold at the edges.

Eliza walked Wren there, quiet.

“I don’t know where you came from,” she said, “but you made me feel… possible.”

Wren swallowed the lump in her throat. “Promise me you’ll keep writing.”

“I will. Even if no one reads it now.”

“Someone will,” Wren whispered. “Someday.”

Cat meowed in farewell.

And then the air split open again—pulling them into the next story.

The next fire.

The next thread.

Chapter Six: Echoes in the Smoke

The portal spat Wren and Cat out into a storm of gray and silence.

Ash drifted on the wind like snow.

They landed hard, knees scraping against frozen soil. The air was thick with gunpowder and grief, the kind that clung to the bones of the earth long after the battles ended.

“Civil War,” Wren whispered, pulling her coat tighter. “Mid-war, maybe. Or just after.”

Cat pawed at a stray Union cap lying half-buried in the mud, then shook his fur out like he’d just stepped through a bad dream.

They walked.

No portal had ever felt quite like this—not just like a place, but a weight. Like the timeline was humming with pain, and history was bleeding through the cracks of itself.

Eventually, they reached a farmhouse. Crumbling at the edges, but not abandoned. Candles flickered in the window. Laundry hung limp on a crooked line.

Inside, Wren found her: an older Black woman with sharp eyes and a steadiness Wren felt all the way in her chest.

“Name’s Clara,” she said after a long pause. “You came through the woods like a ghost.”

“I’m… passing through,” Wren offered, not quite lying.

Clara didn’t press. She had the look of someone who’d seen stranger things than girls who didn’t quite fit into the year.

Clara was a teacher. A former enslaved woman who’d escaped to the North and had returned South after the Emancipation Proclamation to help build freedom from the ground up—one student at a time.

She kept a school in her sitting room, with salvaged desks and handmade chalkboards. She taught children to read and to question.

And she kept a trunk under her bed, filled with things she called important.

That’s where Wren found it.

A small, leather-bound book. Worn at the edges, pages softened by time and touch.

Not a journal.

A collection of letters.

Wren flipped one open and her breath caught.

The handwriting. The cadence. The questions.

Eliza.

The title read: “Reflections on Liberty, Womanhood, and the Hidden Cost of Revolution” – E.S.

Wren blinked back sudden tears.

“You know it?” Clara asked, curious but calm.

“She—she was a friend,” Wren said hoarsely.

Clara nodded. “Came into my hands through a Quaker family in Pennsylvania. One of the daughters was passing them around to women meeting in secret. I think her mother had gotten them from an abolitionist out of Boston. I only know this much: these words? They made me fight.

Wren swallowed hard. “Can I read it?”

Clara gestured to a rocking chair. “All the time in the world, baby.”


That night, as thunder rolled in the distance and Cat curled on her lap, Wren read Eliza’s words like scripture. They weren’t just poetic—they were strategic. Arguments for equality, compassion, education. Questions about how the country could birth freedom while binding half its people.

And in one tucked-away note, Wren found this:

“If I cannot change history now, perhaps I can plant questions in the hearts of women who will.”

Wren closed the book and held it to her chest.

It was working. Eliza’s quiet fire had traveled from girl to girl, heart to heart, until it reached Clara. And now Wren.

And that changed everything.


The next morning, Clara asked Wren to speak to her students.

“They won’t understand where you came from,” she said, “but they’ll feel what you know.”

Wren took a deep breath. She talked about asking questions, about using your voice even when it shakes, about how people had always tried to write women and neurodivergent folks out of the story—but they were never really gone. They were the margin notes in history’s great manuscript. Waiting for someone to read them out loud.

The children listened. Wide-eyed. One girl—ten, maybe—sat straight-backed in the front row, fingers tapping her knees in a rhythm Wren recognized.

After, that same girl asked Wren if it was “bad to think different from everyone else.”

“No,” Wren whispered. “It’s history’s secret engine.”


That night, the portal came.

This time, it opened not with urgency, but with purpose.

Like it knew Wren had found something she needed.

As she stood in its glow, Clara pressed the book into her hands. “Take it. Maybe someone else needs to read it next.”

Wren hugged her. “They will.”

She stepped into the light, Cat following behind, tail brushing Clara’s skirts.


Time cracked open again.

And the echoes of Eliza’s words traveled forward—riding with Wren toward whatever came next.

Chapter Seven: Ink on the Walls

The portal dropped Wren and Cat into heat and stillness.

This time, they landed in a narrow alley, the smell of fried okra and train smoke in the air, the sound of gospel floating from a distant window. The sun bore down on a small southern town—Georgia, maybe Alabama. Wren could tell from the way people looked over their shoulders when walking past the “Whites Only” signs.

Cat leapt gracefully to a nearby windowsill and meowed, annoyed.

“I know, buddy,” Wren murmured. “We’re not welcome here.”

They slipped down side streets until they found it—a faded sign above a brick building:
“The Magnolia School for Colored Girls – Founded 1892.”

Inside, everything was worn but shining with care. Fresh chalk on the board. A vase of wildflowers on the teacher’s desk. Sunlight slanting through gauzy curtains.

And standing in the middle of the room, fixing a stubborn map of Africa to the wall, was a woman in her thirties. Tall. Graceful. Eyes like flint.

She turned, startled. “Can I help you?”

“I’m Wren,” she said. “I’m… passing through.”

The woman didn’t ask how Wren got in. Just narrowed her eyes like she’d met a few mysteries in her life already.

“I’m Miss Lila Ashby. You here for the reading circle?”

Wren blinked. “The what?”

Lila smiled. “We meet after school. Read and write things we can’t say out loud in daylight.”

Wren felt that old tug in her chest. This was the person she came to meet.


That night, Lila invited Wren to stay for dinner. Collard greens, black-eyed peas, cornbread. Cat got his own saucer of milk, which he licked with exaggerated dignity.

After the meal, Lila pulled out a tattered envelope.

“I keep this with me,” she said. “Been passed down through women in my family for three generations.”

She unfolded the pages carefully.

Wren’s breath caught.

It was Eliza’s letter. The same one Clara had kept. But this one had notes in the margins. New thoughts. New fire.

Clara’s handwriting.

And below that, new lines. Slanted and graceful.

Lila’s.

“I don’t know who this Eliza was,” Lila said, voice soft but reverent, “but her words traveled like a song. Clara was my great-aunt. She taught my mother to read using this. My mother taught me.”

Wren looked up, stunned.

“She said the words would call out to the right women. The ones with questions.” Lila met Wren’s eyes. “They called to you, didn’t they?”

Wren nodded slowly. “They always do.”


That weekend, Wren sat in the back of the reading circle while girls aged ten to sixteen took turns reading passages from banned books. Some shared poems they’d written. One girl wrote about feeling like her mind was “a thousand bees and a thunderstorm,” and Wren nearly cried.

Afterward, Wren asked her about it.

“I don’t talk right. Not like the others. My teachers say I’m too loud, too fast.”

Wren knelt beside her. “You’re not broken. You’re brilliant.

The girl smiled, just a flicker. “Miss Lila says that too.”

“Miss Lila’s right.”


That night, Lila confessed that she sometimes wondered if her resistance mattered.

“They close our schools. Burn our books. Treat us like shadows.” She clenched her fists. “What if nothing changes?”

Wren handed her a note. Just a scrap of paper, but on it she’d written:

“If I cannot change history now, perhaps I can plant questions in the hearts of women who will.”

Lila read it in silence. “Eliza.”

“She did change history. So did Clara. So are you.”

Lila pressed her lips together, eyes bright. “Then I’ll keep going.”


When the portal came, Wren felt it like a breath on her neck—soft but sure.

She hugged Lila, who whispered, “Take the letter. It belongs to the ones who carry it forward.”

Wren tucked it into her satchel beside Cat, who let out a satisfied purr.

As the light began to shimmer around them, Wren glanced back one last time.

Lila was already back at the blackboard, chalk in hand, writing a new question for her students.

“What would freedom look like if you wrote the rules?”

Chapter Nine: The Vote That Wasn’t Enough

The portal opened with the crackle of static and the scent of warm asphalt. Wren landed hard on the sidewalk, Cat tumbling beside her and letting out an indignant mrow as a car with tailfins whooshed past.

They were in the South again. This time: Selma, Alabama. 1965.

There were signs everywhere.
Literal ones: “COLORED ENTRANCE,” “REGISTER TO VOTE HERE.”
And invisible ones, too: tight shoulders, wary eyes, the heavy silence of a community waiting to be heard.

Cat stuck close this time, tail twitching.

Wren ducked into a small church with a crooked sign that read “Voter Education Project – Meeting Tonight.” Inside, people filled every pew. At the front stood a young woman in a plaid dress with hair pinned back and eyes like steel.

“Tonight we don’t talk about what we can’t do,” she was saying. “We talk about what we will. We will walk. We will write. We will vote. And we will not be moved.”

Her name was Ruthie Clare Ashby—a descendant of Lila Ashby, Wren realized with a quiet thrill. And in Ruthie’s hand, just like before, was the same envelope. A little more tattered. A little more powerful.

After the meeting, Ruthie caught Wren watching.

“You one of the volunteers from the North?” she asked.

Wren hesitated. “Something like that.”

Ruthie didn’t press. She just said, “We’re marching on Sunday. Selma to Montgomery. We’re tired of waiting for justice.”


That weekend, Wren walked beside Ruthie across the Edmund Pettus Bridge. The crowd was electric—hope and fear braided together. Cat peeked out from Wren’s satchel, ears twitching.

Wren kept pace with Ruthie, who carried a sign that read:

“We hold these truths…”

But just as they reached the crest of the bridge, the police came into view—lined up, mounted, unmoving.

Wren felt time tighten around her like a fist.

And then it happened.

The charge.
The batons.
The gas.
People screaming, running, holding one another. Ruthie’s sign flying into the air like a bird with clipped wings.

Wren pulled Ruthie to the side, shielding her with her own body, Cat hissing fiercely from the bag.

When the smoke cleared, they were still standing. Bruised. Coughing. But standing.


That night, Ruthie showed Wren her version of the letter. She had copied the words of Eliza and Clara, added Lila’s teaching notes, and then something of her own:

“I march because someone marched for me before I was born.
I speak because someone was silenced.
I vote because someone was told they couldn’t.
I will not stop.”

“I don’t know if it’ll change anything,” Ruthie said, her voice low, almost breaking. “People keep saying the vote is ours. But it’s not—not really. Not yet.”

Wren reached for her hand.

“It will be. You’re making it true.”


As the portal shimmered to life behind her, Wren turned back once more.

Ruthie stood tall in the doorway of the church, hands ink-stained from writing new flyers, a group of teenagers listening to her with the kind of rapt attention people once gave prophets.

Wren knew what came next—the Civil Rights Act, the Voting Rights Act, the years of struggle ahead.

But in this moment, she let herself believe in the power of small seeds.
Because this chapter—the one about the vote that wasn’t quite enough—was still being written.


Chapter Ten: The Echo Chamber

The portal whooshed open behind an old TV repair shop, and Wren landed in a pile of garbage bags next to a neon sign that flickered “OPEN” even though it clearly wasn’t.

Cat leapt gracefully onto a rusted dumpster, tail swishing like an antenna.

Wren dusted herself off and looked around. Brick buildings. Synth-pop leaking from a boombox across the street. Teens in denim jackets and crimped hair laughing under a mural of Ronald Reagan.

The year was 1983, and America was buying what Reagan was selling:
“Morning in America.” Optimism. Patriotism. And the slow, quiet erosion of everything people like Ruthie had fought for.


Wren found herself wandering through a public library—the kind with sun-yellowed carpeting and that faint, nostalgic book smell. Cat trailed her down the aisles.

She wasn’t sure what she was looking for until she spotted a zine rack in the corner, half-hidden by outdated encyclopedias.

One stapled pamphlet caught her eye: “We Remember Ruthie Ashby.”

She grabbed it, heart racing.

Inside: grainy photographs of Ruthie marching in Selma, teaching literacy classes, protesting the closure of voting access centers.

But also: a timeline. A note about her suspicious arrest in 1971. A quote scribbled in blue ink:

“Freedom isn’t free, and it doesn’t stay. You have to keep choosing it, every day.”


Wren’s heart ached. In the zine’s final pages was a name: Tasha, Ruthie’s niece, now leading a small grassroots coalition in a city riddled with “war on drugs” propaganda and broken mental health systems.

Wren tracked her down in a community center in D.C.

Tasha was in her thirties, wearing a “Silence = Death” pin and running a voter registration booth between a needle exchange clinic and a free meal line.

“You look like you read,” she said to Wren, raising an eyebrow.

“I try,” Wren replied.

Tasha snorted. “Then read this.” She shoved a flyer into Wren’s hand:
MENTAL HEALTH RIGHTS ARE CIVIL RIGHTS.


Tasha had grown up reading her aunt Ruthie’s letters—just like Lila had read Clara’s, and Ruthie had studied Eliza’s.

Each generation passed down truth like contraband in a world that didn’t want it printed.

She told Wren about the cuts to public mental health programs, the closure of institutions with no community care to replace them, the stigma swallowing up neurodivergent people—especially poor and Black.

“We don’t get to have breakdowns,” Tasha said. “We get criminalized, or pathologized, or erased.”

Wren felt it in her bones—the aching familiarity of being misunderstood, too much, too sensitive, too different.

“You ever feel like the world wasn’t made for your kind of brain?” Wren asked.

Tasha nodded slowly. “Every damn day. But I’m here anyway.”


They stood together at a rally the next day, holding signs that read:

“Disability Rights Are Human Rights.”
“Our Brains Deserve a Future.”

And beneath her breath, Wren whispered, “So do our hearts.”

Cat purred, rubbing against her leg.

Wren didn’t rewrite a law that day. She didn’t change the President’s mind or undo the damage done by greed disguised as greatness.

But she saw Tasha hand a flyer to a teenage girl who looked like she hadn’t spoken in weeks, and the girl smiled.

And that—that was something.


The portal began to hum again, its pull gentle but insistent.

Wren turned to Tasha. “What should I remember?”

Tasha smiled. “That we were here. And we kept going.”

Chapter Eleven: The Girl Who Always Asked Why

The portal opened not with a bang, but a hum—a kind of warmth that wrapped around Wren like her favorite blanket used to. She landed softly on a sunlit patch of carpet, the air filled with the scent of plastic dolls, peanut butter, and freshly mown grass.

It was 1997.
And Wren was home.

Well… a home. Her childhood home, specifically.
Cat gave a curious chirp and padded off through the kitchen like he belonged there.

Wren stood in the living room, blinking. VHS tapes lined the entertainment center. A lava lamp bubbled in the corner. A Lisa Frank notebook sat open on the coffee table—her own handwriting looping across the page in colorful gel pen:

“WHY does everyone say I’m bossy? I’m not bossy. I just KNOW STUFF.”


She wandered into the hallway and stopped cold.

There she was. Little Wren. Eight years old. Barefoot. Wearing a bright blue Tweedy Bird shirt and pacing in front of a corkboard with tacked-up drawings and index cards labeled things like “FROGS,” “WEIRD WORDS,” “HOW DO BRAINS WORK??”

She was muttering to herself, scripting conversations and flipping a fidgety plastic bracelet around her wrist. And she looked tired—the kind of tired that sits in your bones when the world doesn’t make sense and no one believes you when you say so.

Adult Wren swallowed the lump rising in her throat.

Cat brushed past Little Wren’s leg.
The girl startled. Looked down.

“…Where did you come from?” she asked.

Cat blinked slowly and flopped over, purring like a tiny engine.

Little Wren giggled—sincerely—and for a moment, the air lightened.


Later that day, Wren watched her younger self sit at the kitchen table, frustrated as her mom tried to help with a worksheet. There was too much noise. The light buzzed overhead. The paper felt scratchy under her hand and the pencil was too loud on the page.

“No, no, NO,” Little Wren cried, covering her ears.

“I don’t understand why this is so hard for you,” her mom said.

Adult Wren whispered, “Because no one saw your wiring. But you were brilliant.”


That night, after bedtime, Wren slipped back into her childhood room and sat beside her younger self as she dreamt—still talking in her sleep, still asking questions no one ever really answered.

She left something behind before she went:
A letter. Folded, aged, and laced with everything she wished someone had told her.

“You’re not broken. You’re building.
You feel things deeply because you see deeply.
Your brain isn’t wrong—it’s a lighthouse.
Stay curious. You’re going to change the world just by surviving it.

Love,
You.”

She placed it under the pillow. Cat gave her a knowing look.

The portal opened once more, and this time it shimmered like a memory that never really left.

Chapter Twelve: The Threads Between Us

The portal dropped Wren in the middle of a city park, not far from a small lake reflecting streaks of orange and pink. It was quiet. Familiar. She knew that bench. That tree.
This was now.

Cat trotted ahead and leapt up onto a picnic table, tail flicking like punctuation.

Wren stood still. The world buzzed differently here—less dramatic than Ancient Greece or Civil War battlefields, but heavy in its own way. She’d just come from every version of the fight: for freedom, for visibility, for truth, for voice. And now she was standing in a world where the fight was quieter, sneakier, and still so far from over.

She sat down and pulled out the leather notebook she’d carried through every jump. Pages stuffed with names—Clara, Eliza, Ruthie, Tasha—and places—Athens, Virginia, Selma, Seneca Falls.

At the top of a fresh page, she wrote:

“We’ve always been here.”


Across the park, a little girl was melting down in front of a playground—screaming, overwhelmed, misunderstood. A parent looked around, embarrassed, whispering sharp instructions. Wren didn’t interfere. But she noticed.

A teenage boy sat alone on a bench, headphones in, drawing meticulous doodles into the corners of his math homework. Probably called lazy, maybe just lost. Wren saw him.

Nearby, a group of college students rallied with signs reading:

“Neurodivergent Not Broken.”
“Mental Health Is a Right.”
“We Are the Future, Too.”

Wren smiled.

Cat meowed loudly at a passing jogger and curled into Wren’s lap like a weighted blanket. She scratched behind his ears.

“I get it now,” she murmured. “Everywhere I went, there were people like me. Hidden. Dismissed. Fighting quietly.”


That night, Wren sat in her apartment surrounded by old books, protest pins, and sketches of portals she’d drawn half-asleep. Cat lay curled beside her notebook as she flipped through her memories.

She thought of Little Wren and the note under the pillow.
She thought of Clara’s courage. Eliza’s words. Ruthie’s fire. Tasha’s grit.

And she thought of her own.

What if I’m meant to be the bridge?
Not just between time periods… but between people. Between systems and voices. Between the past and the possible future.

She didn’t know how, not yet. But she knew this: she would not be erased. And she wouldn’t let others be, either.

The portal hadn’t opened again yet. But Wren didn’t mind.
Maybe this time, she’d build one.

End of Part One: The Spark

The portal didn’t open again that night.

It didn’t need to.

Wren lay on her back, Cat purring on her chest, and stared at the ceiling as if it were a canvas. She had stories now—ones history never told quite right. She had questions to keep asking, and maybe even some answers to give.

She whispered to the stars outside her window:

“We’ve always existed. Now we begin to be seen.

Somewhere in the future, a ripple started.

And Wren—neurodivergent, brilliant, imperfect Wren—was ready to make waves.


End of Part One: The Threads We Carry


📣 Coming Soon: Part Two – The Reckoning and the Rise

Wren has seen what happens when stories are erased—and what happens when people carry them forward anyway. In Part Two, she’ll face resistance from those trying to rewrite history, glimpse possible futures, and begin creating a movement of her own.


💬 What part of Wren’s journey spoke to you?

Would you time travel if you could?
Have you ever felt like the world wasn’t made for your kind of brain?
Drop a comment, share this story, or just sit with it. Your voice matters. You always have.

  1. Hi Kayla Sue 🙂 I just found your blog via one of your posts (which showed up as a search…

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🔥 My Brain on Fire: ADHD Edition (Unmasking, One Post at a Time)

“My Brain on Fire: ADHD Edition”
 🧠 An essay from Unmasking, One Post at a Time — Entry Four

A person smiling while sitting on the floor, holding a paintbrush with their teeth and giving a thumbs-up, surrounded by art supplies and partially completed artwork.

Some days, my brain feels like a wildfire.
Everything is urgent. Everything is now.
And somehow… I still forget to respond to that one text I opened three hours ago.


Living with ADHD means living inside a mind that’s constantly running laps.
Thoughts sprinting. Emotions bursting.
Ideas bouncing like pinballs while I’m just trying to find my keys, which are in the fridge.
Again.


I have:

  • About 16 unfinished art projects (actually there’s too many to count I just made up the number 16 lol)
  • Three cups of half-drunk tea, 2 cans of half-drunk diet coke, and the glass of water I forgot to sip on
  • 74 tabs open (but I know exactly what’s in each one)
  • A to-do list I rewrote four times and then lost every single one of them
  • Big dreams
  • No concept of time
  • And a habit of spiraling into research rabbit holes that end with me crying over a documentary about deep sea coral

I forget things constantly—but I remember things deeply.
I can’t start tasks sometimes—but once I do, you might not hear from me for six hours because I’ve hyperfocused myself into a parallel universe.

It’s not just distractibility.
It’s intensity.
Of thought. Of feeling. Of motion.


People say ADHD is “just being hyper” or “bad at paying attention.”
But no one talks about:

  • The guilt of always being behind
  • The panic of missing a deadline you meant to meet
  • The shame of being called lazy when your brain is actually sprinting at full speed toward everything except what you were supposed to do
  • The frustration of knowing what you need to do, but not being able to start

No one talks about how isolating it is to feel like you’re failing at basic tasks while also being brilliant in ways no one measures.


And it’s not all bad.
There’s so much magic in the ADHD brain, too.

I can come up with ideas that make people pause and go, “Wait… that’s actually brilliant.”
I can connect seemingly unrelated things like I’m weaving a constellation.
I can love fiercely, create spontaneously, and dive into things with my whole heart.
I can notice beauty in overlooked places. I can feel things big.

But none of that means it’s easy.
And most days, I don’t want praise or pity.
I just want understanding.


If my brain is on fire, I’m trying to learn how to stop yelling at the flames and start dancing with them.
Some days I get burned.
Some days I glow.
But either way, it’s me. It’s all me.

And I’m not lazy.
I’m just wired differently.
And honestly? That fire fuels some beautiful things.

Screenshot of a computer screen displaying a questionnaire about lifestyle and health, with emphasis on distractibility. The text below describes the user's feelings of being overwhelmed by the 70-question ADD test.

Honestly, I’m Just Honest

A person in a bathroom mirror taking a selfie. They are wearing a purple shirt and a black jacket, with sunglasses hanging from their shirt. The bathroom has beige tiles and a Gojo hand sanitizer dispenser visible on the wall.

People tell me I’m honest like it’s a surprise. Like I’ve just blurted out a confession or a truth they weren’t expecting — and they either nod with admiration or laugh like I’ve just told the world’s driest joke.

And I guess the truth is: I don’t know how to be any other way.

I’ve never had the energy for pretending. Not for long, anyway. It’s like my brain doesn’t know how to hold two versions of the truth at once — the real one and the one people might want to hear. So, I say the real one. Gently, if I can. But still, I say it.

And sometimes, I’m too honest — especially about myself. I’ll share something raw or vulnerable, thinking I’m just being open, and then I’ll get that awkward silence or a half-smile followed by, “Maybe you shouldn’t have said that.” People have told me it wasn’t the right time or place. That it made them uncomfortable. And I get it — kind of. But also, I don’t.

Because I wasn’t trying to make anyone uncomfortable. I was just telling the truth. I didn’t know better. I wasn’t trying to shock or overshare. I just don’t feel like I have much to hide. So it’s hard when other people act like I should. Like honesty about yourself is something to be rationed or kept behind glass.

When that happens, I feel this particular type of shame — like I broke some invisible social rule I didn’t know existed. And I hate that feeling. It makes me want to disappear and never say anything again. But I always do say something again. Because that’s how I process the world — honestly, openly, and usually without a filter.

One moment about honesty that has really stuck with me happened during one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made. I was teaching at St. Paul’s Catholic School in Pensacola, and I knew I wasn’t mentally well enough to keep doing my job at the capacity my students deserved. I brought that truth to my principal — a wonderful, wonderful woman whom I deeply admire — and one thing she said to me was: “It’s good that you’re being honest with yourself.”

And that really stayed with me. It reminded me how powerful self-honesty can be — how freeing it is to speak the truth out loud, especially when it hurts.

But I’m still not sure what level of honesty is appropriate around other people. Is there a line? Or is it okay to just be honest, period — and let other people sit with the discomfort of the truth? Because otherwise, I’m the one sitting there, uncomfortable, holding it in. And I don’t think that’s fair either.

What’s especially wild is that usually, it’s the people who are big “MAGA” Trump supporters who’ve told me I should tone it down. To watch what I say. To keep certain things to myself. And those same people are the first to say, “I just love how honest Trump is,” like that somehow makes the things he says okay.

They’re not okay. Not even close. Not even a little. In fact, a lot of what he says is freaky — like in a scary, very very scary way. But sure, let’s police honesty when it’s soft and vulnerable and real… and praise it when it’s cruel and loud and dangerous. Makes total sense.

Sometimes I wonder if “honesty is the best policy” actually means anything. People usually say it when they’re not being honest at all — or when they’re about to say something that is true but also kind of mean. I try not to do that.

I really believe in gentle honesty. Telling the truth with care. Being real without being reckless. Being warm even when the words are hard.

Still, people laugh. They say I’m funny — usually right after I’ve said something deeply true without meaning it to be a punchline. I’ve decided I’m okay with that. If my honesty makes people laugh and think at the same time, that’s not the worst thing.

So yeah. I’m honest. Not because it’s a strategy. Not because it’s brave. Just because it’s me.

And maybe — just maybe — that’s enough.

Honestly, Me

A person wearing sunglasses with the text 'I CAN LOVE ME BETTER THAN YOU CAN' reflecting on the lenses, smiling and resting their chin on their hand, in a casual indoor setting.

🧘‍♀️ “Meditation Isn’t Just for Monks (And Other Myths I Used to Believe)”

“You don’t need a quiet mind to meditate. You just need a moment. That’s enough.”

Let me guess:
You’ve heard about meditation.
You’ve maybe even downloaded an app once.
You tried sitting still for three minutes, got annoyed at your own thoughts, and decided, “Yeah, no. This isn’t for me.”

Same.
Until it was.

I used to think meditation was only for people who drank green juice, went to Bali on silent retreats, or lived in mountain caves. I didn’t think it was for someone like me—messy-minded, overthinking, overstimulated me.

But then life got heavy. And loud. And fast. And my brain got tired of always being “on.” So I sat down one day, hit play on a five-minute guided meditation, and tried again.
This time, I let it be awkward. I let my thoughts wander. I didn’t try to “clear my mind.”
I just… breathed.
And wow.


✨ So Why Should You Try Meditation?

Even if you’re skeptical. Even if you’re fidgety. Even if you “don’t have time.”
Here’s why:

🧠 1. Your Brain Will Thank You

Meditation improves focus, memory, and emotional regulation. It literally changes your brain. Like, MRI-scan-level changes. More gray matter in areas linked to learning and memory. Less activity in the amygdala (hello, stress reduction). Science says so.

🫀 2. Your Body Will Too

Lower blood pressure. Reduced cortisol levels. Better sleep. Fewer headaches. Less muscle tension. It’s like giving your nervous system a spa day—no appointment needed.

💥 3. It Teaches You How to Pause

Instead of reacting to every annoying thing or spiraling into panic, you learn to take a breath. A beat. A moment. That’s powerful stuff, especially in a world that loves to rush.

💬 4. You Don’t Have to “Do It Right”

There’s no perfect posture or empty mind requirement. You can lie down. You can fidget. You can have thoughts. Meditation isn’t about shutting your brain off—it’s about noticing what’s going on in there, gently and curiously.


🪷 My Personal Practice (a.k.a. Realistic, Lazy-Girl Meditation)

Some days I sit cross-legged and light a candle. Other days I meditate while walking, doing dishes, or lying flat on my back in bed.
Sometimes it’s 15 minutes.
Sometimes it’s 90 seconds.
All of it counts.
The win is in showing up, not in doing it “perfectly.”


Still Not Convinced?

That’s okay. You don’t have to become a zen master overnight. But what if you just gave it 3 minutes today?
Close your eyes.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
That’s it.

You’re already doing it.

Be Yourself, But Not Like That (Unmasking, One Post at a Time)

“Be Yourself, But Not Like That”
 🧠 An essay from Unmasking, One Post at a Time — Entry Three


“Be yourself,” they say. But only if it makes everyone else comfortable.


A woman wearing a yellow raincoat stands outdoors with her hair blowing in the wind, against a cloudy sky and a water backdrop.

💬 The Double Bind

“You should just be yourself!”

Except when I try, it’s suddenly too much, too weird, too intense, too soft, too different. The social advice to “be yourself” often comes with invisible conditions — ones that feel impossible for someone like me to meet.

I’ve learned that the world doesn’t actually want authenticity. It wants a curated version of it — one that doesn’t disrupt the flow, question the vibe, or take up space in a way that makes people uncomfortable.

Especially if you’re autistic. Especially if you’re a woman.


🧍🏽‍♀️ The Teacher Friend

At Warrington, one of the hardest jobs I’ve ever had, I had a teacher friend who told me I needed to stop caring so much. She wanted me to act like her — tougher, louder, colder. She said it would help me survive the chaos of our school. Maybe she meant well. Maybe she didn’t. I was too exhausted to know the difference.

The truth was, I needed support. Teaching was goddamn hard. I was pouring everything into those kids. But I couldn’t turn off who I was. I couldn’t fake being callous or detached. That’s not how I work — and it never has been.

When I did show up as myself, when my real personality inevitably bubbled through, she and another teacher would make fun of me. Little digs, little laughs. I started shrinking. Quieting. Second-guessing everything. I was still burning out, just more silently.


👗 The Panama City Girls Trip from Hell

Another time, I went on a trip to Panama City with two girlfriends who made me feel like I was failing some invisible test of womanhood. They wanted me to like the things they liked. Dress the way they dressed. React to the world how they did. I didn’t — I couldn’t. So I spent the trip trying to disappear.

I ended up getting so drunk one night that I peed on myself. I was trying so hard not to feel anything, to be someone else, to escape the absolute discomfort of not belonging.

I wanted to go home. I wanted to be alone. I didn’t want to be anyone but me — but I didn’t know how to be me without paying for it.


🔁 Repeat

This wasn’t a one-time thing. It’s been the pattern.

Be yourself — but not like that.
Have emotions — but not those ones.
Talk — but not too much.
Don’t talk — but don’t be weird about it.

People want quirky, not clinical. Empathy, not shutdowns. Passion, but in moderation. And always — always — the kind of “different” they can laugh at but never be uncomfortable around.


🌱 What I Know Now

I know now that those friendships weren’t safe. They weren’t made for someone like me to exist in fully. But at the time, I thought I just had to try harder. Be better. Be cooler. Be quieter. Be… less.

But you know what?

I’m done with that. I’m done trying to be someone else’s idea of tolerable.

Because being myself — actually being myself — has cost me a lot. But it’s also brought me home.

To the right people.
To real softness.
To joy I don’t have to explain.
To art and cats and poetry and long walks and all the weird, wonderful things that make me me.

A woman wearing headphones and a blue beanie is holding a twig with small green buds, smiling slightly at the camera.

Everyone Else Is Already Taken

A joyful bride wearing a lace wedding dress and veil, smiling brightly in a well-lit room with a plush white carpet and elegant decor.
A person taking a selfie in front of a portrait of a man wearing sunglasses, with animated flames at the edges of the image.
When I worked receptionist at the Levin Papantonio Law firm.

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” — Oscar Wilde

Easier said than done, right?

Honestly, though, I’ve always been pretty good at being myself. It’s one of the things people tend to compliment me on—my honesty, my quirks, the way I just kind of am who I am. No frills. No fake. Just me.

But being yourself only really works when you feel safe to do it. When the space around you doesn’t shrink or tighten every time you say something a little “too much” or move a little “too weird.” And unfortunately, not every space is like that. Some rooms are full of people who want you to shrink. Some rooms are full of people who only love the idea of you—until you act like yourself and it gets too real for them.

So yeah, I’ve had to mask. A lot. That’s what happens when you’re autistic in a world built for non-autistic people. I can’t just walk into every room and drop my full weirdness on the table like a deck of wild Uno cards. Especially not around people I don’t know well. There’s always that calculating moment—how much of me can I show here? Is it safe to be this honest? Will I be misunderstood again?

Spoiler alert: if I feel like I have to do that kind of math every time I open my mouth, I’m not going to stay in that space for long.


The People Who Tried to Change Me (And Why That Never Works)

I’ve had people try to change me. People who thought they were helping, maybe—like they had some kind of personality blueprint I was supposed to follow. But every time that’s happened, it’s been a disaster. For them, for me, for the relationship. It never lasts long, thank god.

There was a teacher I worked with at Warrington who really wanted me to act like her. She had this hardened, sarcastic, zero-fucks kind of vibe about everything and everyone. She handled stress with biting comments and eye rolls and expected me to do the same. But that just… wasn’t me. I cared too much. I felt everything. I couldn’t shut off my heart the way she could, and I didn’t want to. But teaching was so goddamn hard at Warrington, and I needed support, and for a while I tried to keep that friendship going—even though it chipped away at me.

When I inevitably did act like myself (because I can’t not be me for very long), she and another teacher would basically make fun of me. I don’t think they thought they were being mean, but it was that kind of snide judgment masked as “joking” that still stings. So I tried to find some middle ground, some version of myself they wouldn’t laugh at. That was even worse. It felt like holding in a sneeze that wanted to be a full-body earthquake. It was awful.

And then there was Panama City.

I went on a trip with two girlfriends who were, in a word, not my people. Negative energy central. They wanted me to act like them, like the things they liked, dress how they dressed, react to the world the way they did. Spoiler alert: it didn’t go well. I was miserable the entire time. So miserable, in fact, that I got absolutely obliterated one night and ended up peeing on the cement in the pool area while still in my bathing suit. I mean—was it classy? No. But was I the first person to ever do something like that in Panama City? Also no. Not even close. That whole city is one giant Spring Break-induced fever dream.

But of course, they judged me hard for it. They acted like I’d personally disgraced them in the town square. It was ridiculous. Honestly, if they’d just laughed with me and moved on, it would’ve been fine. But they weren’t those kind of people. And I wasn’t ever going to be their kind of person, no matter how hard I tried.


On My Best Days, I Sparkle

On my best days—the days I actually feel safe to be myself—I sparkle. Not literally (actually yes literally…I use glitter when I’m doing my art a lot and so there’s kind of always glitter on me and around me hehe), but in that way where people notice me because I’m glowing from the inside out.

I’m goofy. I’m bubbly. I’m singing nonsense songs I just made up two seconds ago. I talk out loud constantly—not always to anyone in particular, just because my brain is narrating or wondering or cracking jokes or making connections in real time. I smile at strangers. I compliment people’s shoes or hair or earrings just because I feel like it. I am, in a word, alive.

And I’m wearing the perfect outfit. That’s important. I’ve carefully curated it—not to impress anyone, but because it feels like me. It fits right, it moves right, and it says what I want to say without me needing to speak. Clothes, for me, are another language. And when I’m speaking it fluently, I feel powerful.

People sometimes assume that because I’m autistic, I must be shy or closed off or awkward all the time. And sure, sometimes I am awkward. Sometimes I’m overwhelmed or burnt out or need to disappear for a bit. But when I’m at my best, when the world isn’t trying to mute me or shove me into someone else’s mold, I am social, warm, and just so damn friendly. The kind of person who makes people feel like they matter, because I really do think they do.

And that’s who I really am. Not the quiet version. Not the masked version. Just me, in full technicolor.


It’s Not Always Easy, But It’s Always Worth It

Being yourself sounds like it should be the easiest thing in the world. But honestly? Sometimes it’s the hardest.

Because not every space welcomes you. Not every person knows what to do with someone who sings made-up songs and talks to herself in the cereal aisle. Not everyone appreciates outfits that were built to make you feel powerful instead of palatable. Some people want you to shrink, to be quieter, to tone it down.

And sometimes—especially when you’re neurodivergent—being yourself means constantly deciding how much of you the world can handle that day. It means carrying the weight of other people’s discomfort like it’s somehow your responsibility. It means holding your breath in rooms where you’re not sure if you’re “too much” or “not enough.”

But here’s the thing: every single time I’ve pushed through that fog and chosen to just be me, it’s been worth it. Maybe not in the moment. Maybe not in front of the wrong people. But in the long run? Every time I’ve honored who I am, even when it was messy or loud or vulnerable, it brought me closer to the kind of life I actually want.

The kind of life where I don’t have to perform.
Where my weirdness isn’t just tolerated—it’s celebrated.
Where I don’t have to trade authenticity for acceptance.
Where the right people find me because I’m being real, not because I’m being convenient.

So yeah. Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken. And frankly? You’re way too interesting to be anyone else anyway.

A person stands in front of a mirror, smiling and striking a playful pose. They are wearing a chic plaid blazer over a black top, paired with vibrant orange polka dot pants and black ankle boots. A colorful bag hangs across their body.
Making an outfit is oh so fun!
A person holding a large bunch of white and pink flowers while standing outdoors on a cloudy day.
FLOWERS AND RAINY DAYS!

“Time Traveler’s Mixtape: The Adventures of Kayla and Frodo”

Chapter One: Don’t Touch Dad’s Shit (Oops)

They say curiosity killed the cat.
Well, Frodo’s still alive and I’m still nosy, so I think that saying is full of crap.

It started the way most trouble starts: I got bored. Like, really bored. Like, “I already played with all my LEGOs, chewed three pencils, reorganized my rock collection by shininess, and scared my neighbor by barking at him like a dog kind of bored.

So I did the one thing I’m not supposed to do.

I went into Dad’s garage.

It’s not even a normal garage. It’s a weird haunted junk cave filled with spiderwebs, old coffee mugs with scary stains, and stuff that smells like history and farts. There’s a big sign on the door that says DO NOT ENTER and another one that says KAYLA I MEAN IT in Sharpie.

But Frodo gave me that look—you know, the “do it, you coward” look that only black cats can pull off without saying a word.

So I did.

Inside, it was dark and echoey and smelled like secrets. I tripped over a bowling trophy, almost got murdered by a falling rake, and then—bam. I saw it.

The guitar.

It was stuck behind a bunch of dusty boxes and covered in cobwebs, but I swear it was glowing a little. Like it had a soul or something. It wasn’t a normal glow either—it shimmered like oil in a puddle or a holographic Pokémon card.

And when I touched it?

ZAP.

Static shot through my fingers and my hair poofed up like a freaking poodle. Frodo yowled. Somewhere, a car alarm went off. I swear I heard a whisper say, “Play me.”

So I did what any totally rational, definitely mature seven-year-old would do:

I flipped off the garage, grabbed the guitar, and yelled, “Screw it!”

Then I strummed.

And time broke

Chapter Two: Mick Freaking Jagger (and Other Problems)

Have you ever been thrown through a tornado made of glitter, lightning bolts, and screaming?

Because that’s what time travel feels like.

One second I was in Dad’s garage, clinging to a cursed guitar and wondering if I’d just peed a little. The next second, I was falling—falling—through what looked like a lava lamp from outer space. Frodo was somewhere behind me, yowling like he’d just seen a vacuum.

Then—THUD.

I landed face-first in someone’s armpit.

“Oi! What the bloody hell?” a British voice shouted.

I scrambled up, covered in sweat that wasn’t mine. People were running around, tuning guitars, yelling about microphones, and passing joints like they were snacks. I looked down and realized I was standing in the middle of a dressing room—leather pants, leopard print coats, and enough hair product to start a fire.

Then I saw him.

Mick. Freaking. Jagger.

He was shirtless. He was strutting in place like he’d been born dancing. He had the swagger of someone who’s never been told to sit still a single day in his life.

And I—Kayla Sue Whatever-My-Middle-Name-Is—just stood there with a glowing guitar, my cat, and a face full of holy crap.

“Who brought the tiny goblin?” asked a guy with a bass and incredible cheekbones.

“I’m not a goblin,” I said. “I’m seven.”

“Right,” Mick said, squinting. “Is she part of the stage act?”

I opened my mouth to explain—or scream—when Frodo launched off a table and knocked over a stack of vinyl records. Everyone jumped like it was a bomb.

“Frodo, no!” I yelled. “You can’t break history!”

Too late.

A record hit the floor and started spinning. I swear the guitar vibrated in my hands, and then—just like that—the room dissolved. The air twisted. My toes buzzed. Mick Jagger’s beautiful lips screamed something I couldn’t hear—

And I was gone.

.Chapter Two (continued): Goblin Girl Meets Rock Gods

“Wait—don’t go!” I shouted at the universe, but the time-vortex-whatever paused just long enough for me to not be sucked away.

Mick Jagger stared at me like I was an alien, which—fair, honestly. I was a small child holding a glowing guitar, standing in his dressing room like I belonged there.

“I swear I’m not here to murder you or whatever,” I said quickly, trying to sound chill. “This guitar made me time travel. It’s Frodo’s fault.”

Frodo licked his paw and blinked like, You dragged me into this, lady.

The other band members stared at me, but Mick leaned in close. Not threatening, just… curious. His voice dropped into something calm and sharp, like he was tuning into a weird frequency only I gave off.

“You alright, love? You don’t look from ‘round here.”

“I’m not,” I said. “I’m from the future. And Indiana.”

Keith Richards muttered something like, “We’ve done worse,” and lit a cigarette.

I clutched the guitar tighter. “You’re, like… legends. You’re gonna be huge. I mean, you already are, but it’s gonna get insane. Tattoos-of-your-face level insane.”

Mick grinned. “Flattery’ll get you places.”

“I don’t care about flattery,” I said. “I just—”
I paused. Because the truth was poking at me like a splinter. “I don’t fit in at home. Not even close. But here, with this guitar, I feel like maybe I do. At least a little.”

There was a silence. Not awkward. Just thick. Like something heavy and old and magic had passed through the room.

Mick looked at me and said, softer this time, “Being different’s not the problem, darling. It’s the world that gets itchy when someone doesn’t match the wallpaper.”

I stared at him.

“You’ll be alright,” he added. “Just keep playing.”

And then—because the universe is rude—the record finally hit the ground, let out a crackling sound, and everything shimmered again.

“Wait!” I shouted. “Can I come back? Like—later?”

“Sure,” Mick called, already blurry. “We’ll be here.”

“2022!” I yelled as the colors wrapped around me again. “Don’t die before then!”

Keith cackled and yelled, “We’ve tried!”

And then—whoosh.
The world broke again

🎙️ Interlude 1 – After the Rolling Stones

We landed on a rooftop.

Not in a cool superhero way. More like I tripped over air and Frodo crash-landed in a pile of laundry. Which is weird, because who leaves laundry on a roof?

The London sky was the color of cold toast. A breeze smelled like rain and cigarette smoke and old songs.

I sat on the edge, kicking my feet and holding the guitar like it was a nervous pet. Frodo hopped up beside me and flopped down with a sigh.

“You ever feel like the world’s too loud and too quiet at the same time?” I asked.

Frodo blinked.

“Like everyone else has the script, and you’re just ad-libbing your whole life?”

He licked his paw.

“I think Mick Jagger might be my new therapist.”

Frodo stretched and yawned like, You’re not wrong.

I leaned back on my elbows. “He told me rebellion isn’t a bad thing. That not matching the wallpaper might be the point.”

Frodo nudged my knee.

“Do I match anything?” I asked.

He purred and curled up in my lap like punctuation.

Maybe that was his way of saying: You don’t have to match. You’re the freaking color palette.

Chapter Three: Jazz, Jitterbugs, and One Very Confused Seven-Year-Old

When the time-tornado spit me out again, I didn’t land in someone’s armpit this time, which was a win.
But I did land in a trash can.

“OW! What the—FUDGE MUFFINS!”

(I was trying not to say the f-word anymore. I made it like… half a second.)

Frodo landed beside me with an elegant thump like, I told you this was a bad idea. He immediately started grooming himself like he hadn’t just quantum-leaped into a garbage pile.

I peeked out of the trash can.

It was nighttime, but everything glowed. Streetlamps hummed. People laughed and danced on the sidewalk in their sharp hats and shiny shoes. A trumpet wailed from inside a club down the street. The rhythm made my heart thump weird. Not scared—just… new. Electric.

A newspaper floated by in the breeze:
Harlem, New York – May 1927

Oh.

Ohhhh.

I was somewhere between jazz and Black excellence and forbidden poetry, and it was glorious.

I pulled myself out of the trash like the classy lady I am and marched toward the sound. The music tugged at the guitar like it was waking up again.

“Frodo,” I whispered, “I think this is where words dance.”

The club was called The Jungle Room. (Badass, right?) Inside, it smelled like cigars and something fried. A woman with gold earrings taller than my face snapped her fingers at me.

“No kids in here,” she said.

“I’m not a kid,” I said. “I’m a… historical observer with a cat.”

She squinted. “Your mama know you’re out time-travelin’, baby?”

“I don’t think my mom even knows what year I’m in.”

That made her laugh. “You wild. Fine. Just don’t touch nothin’ and stay near the back.”

Inside, the room vibrated. A trumpet player blew like his soul was on fire. A poet stood off to the side scribbling in a notebook like his hand was possessed. Everyone moved like the beat was the law.

I wanted to cry.

Not because I was sad. But because it was the first time I saw quiet people—people who maybe felt like me—explode into something loud without saying a word.
It made me believe in something. Not sure what. Just… something.

A woman in a velvet dress slid onto the piano bench and began to sing. Her voice filled the air like smoke and honey and grief.

“You’re not lost,” she said between songs, looking straight at me like she knew. “You’re just still writing your part.”

My heart cracked open like an egg.
And I whispered, “Damn.”

Frodo purred.

Chapter Three (continued): The Softest Kind of Loud

After the singer finished her set, the room shifted. The dancers slowed. The lights dimmed just a touch, like the building itself was exhaling.

I wandered toward the back, where the poet was still scribbling—tall, with round glasses and a jawline that meant business. He looked like he’d been born with ink in his veins.

I meant to sneak past, but my guitar let out a tiny hum. Just a little whrrrr, like it had something to say.

He looked up. “That your instrument, little miss?”

I nodded. “Kind of plays me, honestly.”

He chuckled and slid his notebook shut. “That’ll happen.”

I stared at him. “Your poems were cool.”

“‘Cool’ is not the word most folks use.”

“Well, I’m seven,” I said. “My vocabulary’s still cooking.”

He smiled, not like I was cute, but like I’d said something worth hearing. “What’d you hear in them?”

I shrugged. “You were mad, I think. But soft about it. Like… like you were yelling in cursive.”

His eyes widened a little.

“I didn’t know you could be mad like that,” I added. “Usually when I’m mad, it explodes out. Like BOOM! But you’re mad in a way that feels like… jazz.”

“Jazz is mad,” he said. “Mad that folks don’t listen, don’t see, don’t care. So it bends. It swings. It stomps with grace. Just like poetry. Just like you.”

I blinked. “Like me?”

He nodded. “You’re not loud. But you sure ain’t quiet either. You’re what I’d call a soft storm.

A soft storm.
That sat in my chest like a warm coal.

“Rebellion doesn’t always gotta be thunder,” he said, tapping his pen against his notebook. “Sometimes it’s a whisper that keeps showing up. A note you can’t un-hear. A girl in a trash can who refuses to disappear.”

I grinned. “You’re weird.”

“Takes one to know one,” he said.

Just then, Frodo started purring like an engine and the guitar buzzed again—time was pulling me forward.

I waved fast, like I’d been friends with him for years. “What’s your name?”

“Langston,” he said with a wink. “Now go write your part.”

And just like that—swirl, zap, BOOM—the club vanished, and I was spinning again, but not like before.

This time, I carried a new kind of beat inside me.

🎙️ Interlude 2 – After Harlem

We sat on a fire escape, still humming with jazz.

It wasn’t really a fire escape anymore. Time had already started pulling away, taking the club and the music with it. But somehow the air still carried saxophone smoke and perfume and truth.

I dangled my feet through the bars, staring out at a skyline that didn’t look like anything I’d seen in my life—but also kind of looked like me.

Frodo was curled up beside me, tail twitching like he was dreaming of piano keys.

“I think poems are spells,” I said, breaking the quiet.

He didn’t open his eyes, just flicked an ear.

“I mean—Langston didn’t yell or stomp or scream. But I still felt it in my guts, you know?”

Frodo yawned.

“Do you think I could write like that someday?”

He stretched and rested a paw on my guitar.

I traced the strings. “He said I was a soft storm.”

Frodo cracked one eye open. A long, cat stare.

“Do you think that’s a real thing?” I whispered. “A storm that doesn’t shout?”

He blinked.

And somehow, that was enough.

We sat there, suspended between centuries, between noise and silence. And for once, I didn’t feel like I had to fill the space.

I just was.

Me.
A little loud.
A little soft.
A little storm.

Chapter Four: Purple Thunder and Metal Mayhem

I didn’t land in a trash can this time.
I landed in a pile of wigs.

Pink, glittery, and stacked higher than my math scores. Frodo popped out of a curly silver one looking personally offended.

We were backstage again—this time in a place that smelled like hot hairspray, electric ambition, and something burning (possibly on purpose). Flashing lights buzzed overhead. People in platform boots and mesh shirts ran past me yelling things like, “Five minutes to wardrobe!” and “WHERE ARE THE PURPLE PANTS?!”

A poster on the wall caught my eye:
“PRINCE + METALLICA – DOUBLE BILL – FIRST AVENUE, 1982.”

My mouth fell open.

Frodo pawed at the stage curtain, and I peeked through the gap.

Prince stood in the center of the stage like the Earth spun for him. He wasn’t walking—he was gliding. His eyes were eyeliner lightning bolts. His outfit sparkled like a disco ball having a spiritual awakening.

The crowd screamed, and he didn’t flinch.

He just whispered into the mic:
“Dearly beloved…”

And then the bass dropped.

Across the stage, Metallica exploded into sound like a jet engine made of guitars. One of the speakers cracked. A guy headbanged so hard his sunglasses flew off.

I was stuck between smooth lightning and molten rage—and somehow it all worked.

I tried to sneak closer—obviously—when someone caught me by the collar.

“Kid, you can’t be—”

“She’s with me,” a voice said, smooth and sharp like silk wrapped around a blade.

I turned.

Prince.

Standing three feet away. Looking at me like I was a new chord he hadn’t tried yet.

“You’ve got time on your fingers,” he said, nodding at the guitar. “And a question in your eyes.”

“I just…” I looked toward the stage, where Metallica’s drummer was trying to fight his own kit. “I don’t get how any of this works. It’s all so different. So… much.”

Prince tilted his head. “Rebellion doesn’t have to match.”

I blinked. “But you’re calm. He’s… on fire.”

“That’s the point.” He walked to the edge of the curtain. “Metallica burns. I bleed. Both are true. Both are loud.”

I stood there like my brain had short-circuited.

“What about me?” I asked. “What if I’m just… noise?”

He smiled. Not a soft smile. A knowing, sharp one. “Then make it music.”

The lights surged. Prince stepped back on stage without looking back. Metallica tore into another song like they were mad at gravity.

Frodo looked up at me.
I looked down at the guitar.

And I whispered, “Time to play louder.”

🎙️ Interlude 3 – After Prince & Metallica

We found a quiet corner behind the amps.

Okay—“quiet” is a lie. One of Metallica’s guitar riffs was still echoing through my skull like a jackhammer playing hopscotch. But at least there weren’t any flying wigs or stage managers yelling about smoke machines.

Frodo hopped onto an overturned milk crate and started licking his shoulder like he hadn’t just witnessed musical whiplash.

I slumped beside him. “Okay. That was… a lot.”

He flicked an ear. Like, You think?

“Prince speaks in riddles. Metallica is a riddle. And I think I almost became deaf. In both ears. Emotionally.”

Frodo yawned.

I hugged my guitar to my chest. “He said rebellion doesn’t have to match. That burning and bleeding can both be loud.”

Frodo flopped into my lap like a purring mic drop.

“You ever feel like there’s too many versions of you?” I asked. “Like—sometimes I want to sparkle. And other times I want to scream. And then I just end up… sitting weird in a hoodie.”

He purred louder.

“I think I’m afraid people will pick the wrong one. The wrong version. And then expect her to show up every day.”

Frodo stretched until one paw touched my chin.

“You’re right,” I said. “Maybe I am all the versions.”

He looked up like, Finally.

“Okay, fine. I’ll be a glittery storm cloud with drumsticks.”

I gave him a forehead boop.

“Next time, you get onstage.”

He licked his paw and rolled over like, Not my tempo, kid.

Chapter Five: Flannel, Feelings, and Two Divas in a Denim Limo

I knew we were in the ’90s before we even landed.
The air smelled like teen spirit, hair gel, and emotional damage.

Frodo and I crash-landed in a pile of thrifted flannel shirts next to a vending machine that only sold Surge and weird vibes. My guitar buzzed with a low, moody hum, like it knew we were entering Sad Boi territory.

A poster on the wall read:
NIRVANA – MTV UNPLUGGED – SEATTLE, 1993

I exhaled slowly. “Okay. Deep breath. No glitter this time.”

Frodo nodded solemnly.

I crept into the venue and found a seat in the back. Everything was dim. Candles flickered onstage. Kurt Cobain sat in the middle like a storm pretending to be a person. His voice wasn’t loud. It was aching. Every lyric sounded like it had been stitched together with someone’s broken heart.

I didn’t cry.
I just felt… seen.

Not like a spotlight.
More like a mirror.


Later – Backstage

I found myself wandering near the green room, guitar still buzzing gently in my hands. I didn’t want to leave yet. I needed… something. I didn’t know what.

And then—because time is weird—I heard a Canadian accent say:
“That was heartbreaking, wasn’t it?”

I turned.

Shania Twain.

In leopard print. Holding a donut.

Next to her?

Celine Dion. Wearing sunglasses inside and sipping tea like she was on her way to save the emotional world.

“Oh my god,” I whispered. “Did I fall into a Canadian power ballad portal?”

Celine looked at me over her sunglasses. “You are very small.”

“I’m seven.”

“Explains the energy,” she said.

Shania squatted next to me. “You okay, kiddo?”

“I think Nirvana just stabbed me in the soul. In a good way. Is that normal?”

Shania nodded. “Happens to the best of us.”

I looked between them. “So… what is this? You guys don’t exactly scream ‘grunge.’”

Celine smiled. “We’re here because emotion is universal. Doesn’t matter if you scream it or sing it at full volume with seventeen backup violins.”

Shania handed me half her donut. “And don’t forget—rebellion doesn’t have to be sad. Sometimes it’s fun. Sometimes it’s rhinestones.”

“I thought being sad meant you were strong,” I said.

“It can,” Celine said. “So can surviving.”

“Or being really, really loud about loving yourself,” Shania added with a wink.

I nodded slowly, holding the donut like it was sacred. “I think I needed this.”

Celine gave me a tissue and said, “Drink some water. You’re full of feelings.”


Just then, Frodo jumped onto the vanity and the guitar began to glow again.

“Already?” I groaned. “I was just starting to emotionally unpack!”

Shania squeezed my shoulder. “Take the joy with you, too. It counts.”

Celine kissed the top of my head and whispered, “You are not too much.”

Then—flash, fuzz, WHOOSH

Time broke again.

But this time, I carried heart in one hand and grit in the other.

🎙️ Interlude 4 – After Nirvana, Shania, and Celine

It was raining when we landed.

Not like dramatic movie rain—more like soft drizzle. Gray skies. Rooftop puddles. The kind of rain that doesn’t even try to stop you. It just shows up and stays.

Frodo was already curled on an old blanket someone had left on a fire escape. He looked like a puddle with whiskers. I sat down next to him and pulled my knees up under my chin.

The guitar wasn’t buzzing. It was just… there. Quiet.

“I didn’t know you could feel this much and still be okay,” I whispered.

Frodo blinked up at me.

“I thought big feelings were dangerous. That if you didn’t shut them down, they’d… I don’t know. Break everything.”

He purred gently. Like a little engine of understanding.

“But Kurt—he felt everything. And he made it into music. And Shania? She’s like glitter glue. And Celine could probably cry an entire lake and still hit a high C.”

Frodo flicked his tail.

“I guess I just…” I paused. “I didn’t know it was allowed. To feel all of it. The joy and the ache.”

Frodo scooted closer until his head bumped against my side. I ran my fingers through his fur.

“I used to think I had to pick one thing. Be one thing. Happy or sad. Loud or quiet. Sharp or soft.”

I glanced up at the sky.

“But maybe I’m just both.”

Frodo yawned like, Obviously.

I leaned back against the brick wall and whispered, “Thanks for staying with me.”

He gave me a look like, Where else would I go, dummy?

And we just… sat.

Letting the rain fall.
Letting it feel okay to hurt and heal.

Chapter Six: Bubblegum Breakdown

We landed in a place that sparkled aggressively.

There were sequins everywhere—on jackets, boots, microphones, probably someone’s cereal. A giant poster behind me read:

“POP GALAXY TOUR – Britney, Christina, Mandy, Jessica – 2002”

“Oh no,” I whispered.

Frodo immediately ducked under a rolling makeup cart and gave me a look that said: Absolutely not.

I stood in the middle of a dressing room that looked like a glitter tornado had thrown up in it. Lip gloss tubes were scattered across a pink velvet couch. Someone had labeled their eyelash glue “DO NOT TOUCH” in very serious Sharpie.

There was a monitor showing the stage. Britney was performing.
She smiled so wide it looked painful.


Backstage

I wandered through the hallways, trying to stay out of the way. A backup dancer sprinted past me yelling, “SHE NEEDS A WARDROBE CHANGE IN TWENTY SECONDS OR SHE’S GOING TO EXPLODE.”

Frodo hissed. Possibly at the concept of time itself.

I ducked into a quieter side hallway where someone was sitting alone on the floor, still in costume. Glitter boots. Hair curled to perfection. Tears streaking down her face.

I froze. She looked older than me—but not by much. Maybe fifteen.

“Hey,” I said. “Are you okay?”

She jumped, wiped her face, and gave me a smile so fake I almost cried for her.

“I’m fine!” she chirped. “Just tired. It’s, like, a lot, you know?”

I sat next to her. “Yeah. I do know.”

She looked at me sideways. “You in the show?”

“I’m not even in this decade.”

“…what?”

“I’m time traveling. It’s a whole thing.”

She blinked. “Okay. Cool.”

We sat in silence.

She finally whispered, “I don’t even know who I am without the songs and the sparkles and the rules.”

I looked down at my guitar. It buzzed like it was listening.

“You’re still you under all that,” I said. “Even if it’s buried. Even if no one else sees her.”

Her eyes welled up again. “How do you know?”

“Because I’m weird and messy and feel too much, and people try to fix me all the time. But the people I’ve met on this trip? The ones who make real music? They don’t sparkle because they’re told to. They sparkle because they mean it.”

She let out a laugh—small and real this time. “You’re intense for a kid.”

“I contain multitudes.”

Frodo hopped onto her lap and started purring.

She scratched behind his ears. “Thank you,” she whispered. “For being the first person all day who didn’t ask me to be okay.”

Just then, the guitar buzzed harder. The air shimmered.

I stood up fast. “I gotta go.”

She looked up. “Will I see you again?”

“Probably not. But I hope you see yourself.

And then—pop, fizz, flash—the glitter turned to stardust.

And we were gone.

🎙️ Interlude 5 – After the Pop Machine

We landed behind a billboard that said SHIMMER HARDER in ten-foot bubble letters.

It was quiet back there. The kind of quiet that only shows up after a very loud lie.

I sat down in the dirt. Frodo flopped beside me with a grunt like even he was over it.

“That place was like… Disneyland if Disney ran on shame,” I muttered.

Frodo licked glitter off his paw like he was personally offended by sequins.

“She looked perfect,” I said. “The girl backstage. Every piece of her was flawless. Except the part that felt real.”

He blinked slowly.

“I used to think being good meant being good at stuff. At school. At pretending I wasn’t overwhelmed. At smiling even when my brain was on fire.”

Frodo rested his chin on my knee.

“But it’s not. Is it?”

He didn’t answer. He didn’t have to.

I leaned back and stared at the fake stars on the billboard blinking in patterns. “I don’t want to be shiny if it means being invisible underneath.

Frodo purred—a deep, low rumble that buzzed straight into my bones.

“I think the scariest thing,” I whispered, “is not being seen. Not for real. Like people clap for you, but they don’t know you. They only know the sparkle.”

He nudged my hand until I pet him. Slowly. Like the world wasn’t ending.

“I don’t want to be clapped for,” I said. “I just want to be held.

Frodo yawned. Like, That’s more than enough, kid.

And we sat there in the dirt behind the billboard, letting ourselves not shine.

Just exist.

No stage.
No makeup.
No performance.

Just me.
Just Frodo.
And finally, the sound of my own breathing being enough.

Chapter Seven: Beats, Bars, and the Sound of Resistance

I landed in a crowd.

Not a quiet one. Not a chill one. This was a march. People were holding signs and chanting. There were speakers blasting music from a flatbed truck that had been turned into a mobile stage.

Frodo launched himself out of my backpack like he’d just smelled injustice.

I looked around and realized we were in a city—maybe Chicago or Atlanta or Oakland. It was 2016. I could feel it in the air. Thick with anger. Hot with hope.

Someone handed me a sign that said “No Justice, No Peace.” I held it. It felt right.

The truck speakers crackled.

And then the beat dropped.

“Alright” by Kendrick Lamar.

People lost their minds. They screamed every word like a prayer, like a promise, like proof.

And just when I thought I’d explode from all the fire in my chest—

A hand landed on my shoulder.

“You made it,” a voice said.

I turned.
Kendrick. Freaking. Lamar.

He was calm. Still. Sharp-eyed and steady like he’d already lived this day a hundred times.

“You a traveler?” he asked.

I nodded. “Time traveler. With a cat.”

He looked down at Frodo. “Respect.”


Moments Later – Side Street Cypher

Kendrick led me to a side alley where a cypher had broken out. People were freestyling truths while the crowd kept beat on trash cans, walls, whatever they could find.

There was a guy with a hoodie and heartbreak in his voice—J. Cole—spitting about systems, schools, stolen chances.

And right next to him?
2 Chainz. Drenched in gold, rhyming about survival, respect, the weight of being seen as a joke when you’re smarter than the room.

They were different. One calm. One loud. One sharp like knives.

But they were together.
And that hit harder than the bassline.


Conversation in the Alley

J. Cole looked at me and said, “You look like you got a million thoughts and no outlet.”

“I’m seven,” I said. “And autistic. And ADHD. And kind of overwhelmed by literally everything that’s ever happened.”

2 Chainz laughed. “Then you’re one of us.”

I stared. “But I’m just a kid.”

Kendrick leaned down. “You feel it, don’t you?”

I nodded. “Like everything’s broken and no one wants to fix it. And when I say that, people either laugh or change the subject.”

“That’s because you’re telling the truth,” he said. “And truth makes people flinch.”

“But you make music,” I said. “You yell the truth. And people still listen.”

2 Chainz grinned. “That’s ‘cause we don’t ask permission.”

J. Cole added, “You don’t have to wait to grow up to fight. If you feel it now, you name it now.”

Kendrick looked me in the eye. “Your voice is a weapon. Sharpen it.”


The Crowd Again

We went back to the street. Someone passed me a mic.

I stared at it. My hands shook.

“I don’t have a verse,” I whispered.

“You don’t need one,” Kendrick said. “You just need to speak.”

I raised the mic to my mouth. My throat was tight. My thoughts were loud. But I opened my mouth anyway.

And I said:
“I’m seven years old and I’m tired of pretending I’m not angry.”

The crowd roared.

I kept going.
“My brain works different. That’s not wrong. I’m not wrong. I’m not your project or your pity or your problem. I’m a person.”

And the beat kicked back in like the city itself was nodding.

Frodo yowled in approval.
Someone handed me a pair of sunglasses. I didn’t put them on, but I held them like armor.

I belonged.
Not because I was loud.
But because we were.

🎙️ Interlude 6 – After the Protest

We sat on top of a bus shelter under a sky smeared orange and blue—sunset trying to hold on, night creeping in.

The crowd was still chanting below. The beat had faded, but the rhythm? Still alive. Still thumping in my chest like a second heart.

Frodo curled beside me, eyes half-closed, tail flicking like a metronome.

“I didn’t think they’d listen,” I said softly.

He blinked.

“I mean… I’m just a kid. A weird kid. One who fidgets too much and talks too fast and forgets what she’s saying in the middle of saying it.”

I ran my hand across the guitar. It buzzed like it agreed with me.

“But Kendrick listened. And J. Cole. And 2 Chainz didn’t laugh at me. He said I was one of them. Like… like I belonged.”

Frodo rubbed against my arm, purring slow and steady.

“Do you think this is what power feels like?” I asked. “Not like yelling, but like… being heard. Even if your voice shakes?”

He stared at me for a long time. Then finally rested his head on my foot like, Now you’re getting it.

I looked out over the rooftops.

“There were so many people. Angry. Loud. Brave. Together. I think I forgot what it felt like to not feel alone.”

Frodo let out the tiniest meow.

“I think maybe—maybe rebellion doesn’t have to be about burning everything down. Maybe sometimes it’s about showing up anyway. With your friends. With your scars. With your cat.

He flicked his tail in agreement.

And then I whispered, “I’m not just a problem to be solved.”

Frodo nudged my hand like, No, babe. You’re the solution they never saw coming.

We sat in the glow of sirens and stars.
Not scared.
Not small.
Not silent.

Chapter Eight: The Day the Music Died (But Not For Long)

No crash this time.

No thud, no beat, no rhythm.

Just… silence.

I opened my eyes to a world made of grayscale. Concrete walls. Flickering lights. Everything so clean it felt dirty.

Frodo jumped out of my backpack and hissed.

“This isn’t right,” I said. My voice echoed. A single word echoing in a place where nothing else made a sound.

A sign blinked on the wall:
“UNITED FUTURE ORDER: SOUND IS DANGEROUS. SILENCE IS CONTROL.”

My guitar didn’t buzz. It didn’t even hum. It was like it had gone to sleep. Or worse—forgotten.

I swallowed. “Where are we?”

Frodo pawed at the ground, then stared at a small, square speaker bolted into the ceiling.

No music.
No voices.
No noise.


The Museum of Memory

We found it buried beneath the city—an underground bunker labeled ARCHIVE: ILLEGAL MEDIA.

Inside were cracked vinyls, smashed amps, glitter-covered boots sealed in glass.

There was a picture of Prince. A poster from the Kendrick protest. A copy of Nirvana’s Unplugged CD. A pink cowboy hat labeled “Shania Twain, 1999.”

And in the middle, under a spotlight, was a broken guitar.

My breath caught.
It looked just like mine.

I touched the case and a hologram flickered to life.

A voice said,
“In the year 2042, the Global Noise Ban was enforced. Emotional disorder linked to musical influence. Control restored.”

I wanted to throw up.

They didn’t just ban music. They banned feeling.


The Girl in the Quiet

I turned a corner and saw her.

Sitting alone in a metal room, eyes wide, hands drumming on her legs even though no beat played.

She was maybe ten.

I walked in. “Hi.”

She flinched. “I’m not humming. I swear. Please don’t report me.”

I sat beside her. “I’d never. I miss it too.”

She looked at my guitar. “Does it work?”

I held it out. “Not right now. Not here.”

“Why not?”

“Because this place killed the music.”

She stared at me. “Can you bring it back?”

I didn’t know.
But I wanted to try.


The Song That Broke the Silence

Frodo jumped up on a console and bit a wire.

Lights flickered.

My guitar sparked.

I strummed—just once.

The note rang out, wobbly but alive.

And the world glitched.

The girl gasped. “Do it again.”

I played the same note.

Then another. Then another.

And suddenly—Frodo started purring.

A real sound.

Not silence. Not static.

Music.

The walls trembled. The glass cracked. The Prince boots fell over like they were dancing.

“Keep playing!” the girl shouted. “They can’t stop all of us!”

I laughed. Loud. Wild. Real.

And I played.

A messy, half-remembered, time-warped medley.
Grunge and gospel. Jazz and pop. Protest and punk.

Frodo yowled along. The girl clapped. More kids showed up. More strums. More stomps. More life.


We Brought the Noise

Security tried to shut us down.

But the kids were already singing.

Someone pulled a boombox out of a hiding place.

Someone else started beatboxing.

And me?

I stood on a table, eyes blazing, guitar howling, heart thundering.

And I yelled:

“YOU CAN’T BAN THE BEAT.”

Because you can take the stage.
You can smash the records.
But you’ll never kill the rhythm in a kid with something to say.

🎙️ Interlude 7 – After the Noise Came Back

We sat on a rooftop again.

Only this one was ours.

No time era. No glowing portals. No chaos in the sky.

Just the stars. Real ones.
And Frodo curled beside me, tail flicking slow like a metronome that wasn’t in a rush.

I strummed the guitar once—softly.
The sound was warm. Full.

I looked out over the city lights and whispered, “We did it.”

Frodo didn’t say anything, but his purr was louder than usual. Like he agreed without needing words.

“I thought I was too small to matter,” I said. “Too weird. Too quiet. Too everything.

He rested his chin on my thigh.

“But maybe being too much is exactly what made it work. All those people I met—they weren’t trying to be normal. They were just… trying to be free.

I thought about Mick Jagger’s swagger.
Langston’s poems.
Prince’s sparkle.
Metallica’s fire.
Nirvana’s ache.
Shania’s strength.
Celine’s soul.
Kendrick’s power.
J. Cole’s honesty.
2 Chainz’s roar.
And the girl in the future—just trying to hum again.

I hugged my guitar to my chest.

“They didn’t make me feel fixed,” I said. “They made me feel seen.

Frodo looked up like, Yeah, kid. Took you long enough.

I scratched behind his ear. “I think I’m ready.”

The guitar buzzed gently—like a nod.

“Back to where it started,” I whispered. “Back to the Stones.”

Chapter Nine: We’re Still Standing (And I Brought My Own Damn Song)

The portal opened like a sigh.

No crash. No chaos. Just a shimmer of sound and memory.

We landed in a field.
Big stage. Giant screens. Thousands of people.

A banner flapped in the wind:
“THE ROLLING STONES – FINAL WORLD TOUR – 2022”

I swallowed. “We made it.”

Frodo adjusted his tiny sunglasses like he’d always known we would.

The crowd was wild. But something felt different.

I wasn’t afraid this time.
I wasn’t hiding.


Backstage – Again

I walked past security like I belonged there.

Because I did.

I found the dressing room by instinct. Same smell: sweat, guitars, and old magic.

And there he was.
Mick. Freaking. Jagger.

Sitting on a couch like the last fifty years had just been practice.

He looked up. Blinked.

Then grinned. “Well, look who bloody time-traveled back.”

I smiled. “Told you I’d make it.”

Keith peeked in behind him. “She’s taller now.”

“Barely,” I said.

Mick stood and walked over. “You look different.”

“I am different.”

He tilted his head. “Got a song of your own yet?”

I nodded. “I’ve got a lot.

“Good,” he said. “The world doesn’t need more echo. It needs more noise.”

He handed me a guitar.

And I felt it.

The hum. The power.
Not from the strings—but from me.


Onstage – Just Before the Lights

They let me stand at the edge of the stage before the show.

Not to play. Just to be.

The crowd stretched forever.
I held my guitar like a flag.

And whispered:
“I was here.”

Frodo brushed against my leg and meowed.

Mick stepped up beside me.

“You ready?” he asked.

“Always.”

He smirked. “What do you call your band?”

I looked out at the crowd, then up at the stars, then down at Frodo.

Then I said,
“Soft Storm.”


Epilogue: The Song That Was Always There

I don’t remember every note I played that night.

I just remember how it felt.

Like my whole life had been building to one messy, rebellious, joy-drenched chord.

And I finally hit it.

Not to prove anything.
Not to be fixed.
Just to say:

“I’m here. I’m loud. I’m mine.”

And that?

That was the real music all along.

🎤 Epilogue: Soft Storm Starts a Band

We were home.

Like, really home.
My room still smelled like crayons and bubblegum lip balm. My rock collection was exactly where I left it.
Frodo was already curled on my bed like he hadn’t just helped me restart the entire future.

But something was different.
Me.


One Week Later – The Garage (Again)

We set up in the same garage I wasn’t allowed in back then.
Now? I had a key.

The posters on the wall were new—Nirvana, Prince, Kendrick, Shania, and one that just said:

“YOU DON’T HAVE TO SPARKLE TO MATTER.”

My three best friends were tuning their instruments:

  • Lucas, drummer, ADHD, talks in metaphors.
  • Danny, bass, quiet but fierce, writes lyrics like fire.
  • Jay, keyboard and weird effects guy, lives off fruit snacks and chaos.

We called ourselves Soft Storm.

Frodo was our manager, obviously.


Band Practice

I stood there—guitar slung across my chest, sneakers scuffed, hoodie sleeves chewed on from nerves.

“Okay,” I said. “You guys ready?”

Lucas did a stick flip. “Always.”

Danny nodded, already in the zone.

Jay said, “Can Frodo be in our logo?”

I grinned. “Absolutely.”

Then I took a breath.
The kind of breath you take when you’re not trying to disappear anymore.

And I strummed.

It wasn’t perfect.
But it was mine.

And when we hit the chorus, I screamed the line I’d been waiting to sing since the day this whole story started:

“I’M HERE. I’M LOUD. I’M MINE.”

And my boys?
They screamed it with me.

Frodo purred.
The garage shook.

And for the first time, I didn’t feel like a problem to solve or a kid to fix.

I felt like the opening act for a revolution.

On Being Loved Well (Unmasking, One Post at a Time)

“On Being Loved Well”
 🧠 An essay from Unmasking, One Post at a Time — Entry Two

“To be deeply loved by someone gives you strength; to be deeply loved by your parents gives you roots.”
adapted from Lao Tzu


Not everyone gets what I have.

And I don’t mean that in a bragging way—I mean it in a heart-heavy, gratitude-so-deep-it-hurts kind of way. Because I know what a rare gift it is to be loved without condition. I know how many people live entire lifetimes without feeling truly safe in someone else’s care. I know that what I have is extraordinary.

I have parents who love me well. Not just on the easy days. Not just when I’m thriving. But in the mess. In the unraveling. In the darkest, scariest corners of myself.

Years ago, when I was living in Pensacola and barely holding on, I sent my mom a text in the middle of the night. The kind of text that’s more a whisper than a message. A quiet cry for help from a place where words are too heavy. The next morning, my dad was on a flight. No hesitation. No questions about money or work or logistics. He just came. He came to get me and bring me home. Because home was where they knew I’d be safe.

I didn’t stay long that time. I had a good therapist in Pensacola already. But my parents wanted to help more—they gently suggested I see a psychiatrist, someone who could evaluate me more fully and prescribe medication if needed. There was concern that maybe I had bipolar disorder, something my grandpa had lived with, and something we all wanted answers about. I agreed. And after months of appointments and evaluations, we found out the truth: I’m autistic. It wasn’t bipolar. It was something different. Something real. Something that finally helped everything make sense.

But what stands out to me most isn’t the diagnosis. It’s the way my parents moved mountains to help me get there. It’s the way money didn’t matter when my safety was on the line. It’s the way they showed up.

This past summer, the depression hit harder than it ever had before. I was in a place I don’t ever want to be again—scared, hopeless, and so, so tired. We had tried everything—therapy, medication, art, walking, yoga, journaling. And still, the fog didn’t lift. My parents stepped in again. They paid thousands of dollars—money they really didn’t have—for me to try ketamine treatment. They didn’t hesitate. And twice a week for twelve weeks, my sweet retired dad drove me to Fort Wayne and back for every appointment. (except for the first few…my sister, Amanda took me…post about sibling love coming at a later time ;))

That’s love.

That’s the kind of love that doesn’t flinch in the face of pain. That doesn’t demand I be okay when I’m not. That doesn’t shame me for struggling. That simply says: we’re here, and we’re not going anywhere.

And it wasn’t just adulthood. I’ve felt that love my whole life.

I remember one morning in seventh grade, crying silently through first period after something upsetting happened at the neighbor’s house. I didn’t have a phone, so I went to the nurse with a made-up stomach ache—just trying to escape. My mom picked me up. On the drive home, she gently asked if I was really sick. And I broke. I told her what had happened. I’ll never forget how she responded—with tenderness, with protection, with fierce love. My mom’s not the coddling type, but when it matters? She wraps you up in warmth and makes sure you know you’re not alone.

And then there was the day, years later, when I told her I had been making myself throw up during my sophomore year of college. I was terrified. I felt so much shame. But she didn’t react with fear or judgment. She listened. She comforted me. And then she helped—researching eating disorder therapists, helping me find one nearby, even doing the Atkins diet alongside me that summer just to support my healing. That summer ended up being one of the healthiest seasons of my life—physically, emotionally, mentally, socially.

And my dad… how do I even begin?

There is no love on this earth quite like the love my dad has for me, his only baby girl. It’s so deep it spills out of him. You can see it. People comment on it. You can feel it in the way he talks to me, the way he talks about me, the way he always sees the best in me—especially when I can’t.

When I was younger, we spent nearly every summer weekend driving all over Indiana for softball tournaments. Just me and my dad on the road, city to city, game to game. Those drives are stitched into my memory like a favorite song—simple, sacred, irreplaceable. Time that I now realize was so rare. So precious.

My parents have never put me down. They’ve never made me feel like a burden. They’ve never babied me either—well, maybe my dad a little, but only in the most endearing ways. They’ve always believed in me. They’ve always rooted for me. And they’ve always, always loved me well.

There’s no such thing as perfect parents. But mine are as close as it gets.

One day, if I’m lucky enough to have kids of my own, I hope I can love them with even a fraction of the love I’ve been given. Because this kind of love—it’s a foundation. It’s a compass. It’s the thing I return to when everything else feels unsteady.

This post is part of my “Unmasking” series. And if I’ve been able to unmask—if I’ve been able to come home to myself, and live with softness, and keep believing in goodness—it’s because I’ve always had the safety of being loved well.

And that’s everything.

📌 Tags:

unmasking series, mental health, autism, healing, parental love, suicide prevention, eating disorder recovery, grief and gratitude, neurodivergent life

🎭 Masking 101 (And Why I’m Tired) (Unmasking, One Post at a Time)

“Masking 101 (And Why I’m Tired)”
 🧠 An essay from Unmasking, One Post at a Time — Entry One

Before I knew I was autistic or ADHD, I just thought I was working really hard at being a person.

Turns out, I was masking.


Masking is when you hide or camouflage parts of yourself so you can pass as “normal.”
It’s mimicking facial expressions, tone of voice, posture.
It’s copying how other people laugh or how they make eye contact.
It’s forcing yourself to suppress stimming.
It’s scripting conversations in your head before they happen.
It’s smiling when you want to scream.
It’s laughing when you’re confused.
It’s staying quiet when you’re overwhelmed.
It’s pretending you’re fine so no one thinks you’re difficult.

I’ve done it for so long, I used to think that was my personality.


When you’re autistic or ADHD—especially if you were socialized as a girl or assigned female at birth—masking becomes second nature.
We’re taught to be accommodating. Quiet. “Not too much.”
So we make ourselves smaller. We mirror people. We blend in until we disappear.

And sometimes we’re praised for it.

“She’s so mature for her age.”
“You’re so adaptable.”
“You always seem so calm.”

Calm? No. Just dissociating professionally.
Adaptable? Maybe. But at what cost?


Masking isn’t just exhausting. It’s identity-erasing.

I’ve walked out of social situations completely unsure who I was.
I’ve said “yes” when I meant “no,” just because it felt easier.
I’ve been praised for being chill when I was actually melting down inside.

People didn’t see my burnout—they saw “grace under pressure.”
People didn’t hear my sensory overwhelm—they heard “sensitivity.”
People didn’t notice my panic—they saw “perfectionism.”

Masking works… until it doesn’t.
And when it breaks down, it looks like depression. Anxiety. Burnout. Shutdown. Rage.
It looks like “what’s wrong with me?”
It looks like “I don’t know who I am anymore.”

And honestly? That’s where I was when I started unmasking.

Unmasking is not always peaceful.
Sometimes it’s letting people see you stim or cry or say something awkward.
Sometimes it’s choosing not to go to a thing—even if people expect you to.
Sometimes it’s saying “no” and feeling that old panic rise up… and doing it anyway.

It’s slow. It’s scary. It’s freeing.

I’m still tired.
But now it’s the kind of tired that comes from becoming, not disappearing.


If you’re masking, and you’re tired too—
you’re not alone.
You’re not broken.
And you’re allowed to rest.

🌀

Leaf Lover: A Houseplant Devotion

I’m not really a succulent person. I’ve tried—God knows I’ve tried—but something about those stiff, rubbery little leaves doesn’t click with me. They just sit there, all stoic and self-contained, and I forget about them for one day too long and poof. Gone. Crispy. Cold to the touch. No drama, just silence.

But give me a leafy plant? A long, reaching, swaying-in-the-breeze, viney, thirsty, dramatic houseplant? That’s where I come alive. I don’t just like houseplants—I love them. I pet their leaves. I talk to them. I move them around the room like they’re trying to feng shui their lives and I’m just here to help. They’re my quiet little roommates, and we’re in this together.

There’s something so soothing about a big green leaf. I love the way they catch the light in the afternoon, how they lean toward the window like they’re sunbathing. I love when they surprise me with a new leaf—curled tight like a secret and slowly unfurling over days. There’s no rush. No performance. Just this steady, quiet growth.

I pet my plants like they’re cats. I know I’m not supposed to, technically—some article once told me it stresses them out—but honestly? They seem fine. My pothos practically flutters when I touch it. My philodendron has been thriving under my affectionate, slightly obsessive care. I’ll give them a little stroke as I walk by, just to say hi. A gentle “you’re doing amazing, sweetie.”

And they are. They’re doing amazing. In a world that can feel like it’s constantly unraveling, my houseplants are a kind of everyday miracle. I water them, trim them, repot them when they start getting dramatic and rootbound, and in return they remind me that growth doesn’t have to be loud to be real. Sometimes you grow by just reaching a little more toward the light.

So yeah, I love my houseplants. Not in a Pinterest-aesthetic way. Not in a “plant mom” mug kind of way (please no one get me one – I hate novelty anything). I love them in a real, steady, intimate way. They make me feel calm. Connected. A little more human. A little more alive.

And if I occasionally sing to them while watering or whisper encouragement to a particularly shy fern, well—some things are just between me and the leaves.