The Joy (and Intensity) of Special Interests: Loving Things the Autistic Way

Intro

One of the best parts of being autistic is having special interests—the things I love with my whole heart, with an intensity most people don’t understand. Special interests aren’t hobbies. They aren’t phases. They aren’t just passing interests. They are passion, comfort, and joy. They are home.


The Joy (and Intensity) of Special Interests

People who aren’t autistic often mistake special interests for hobbies.
But special interests aren’t the same thing as liking something.
They are deeper. More consuming. They have weight.

When a neurotypical person says, “I’m really into tennis,” it means they play sometimes or enjoy watching it. When an autistic person says, “I love something,” it often means, I will spend hours, sometimes days, completely absorbed by it. I will think about it constantly. I will fall into it with my entire self, because it lights me up in a way nothing else does.

Special interests have always been part of my life.
Some have stuck with me for years. Others come and go, rotating, jumping, shifting.
But the intensity is always real.

Here are some of mine: Kendrick Lamar. Shania Twain. Hip-hop music in general. History. Classic rock. Fashion. Art. The law. Education systems. Cats. Feminism. Flowers and plants. Books. Notre Dame football. Pi Beta Phi. Social justice. Writing. And honestly so many more. In one of my autism books I have read to help me learn more about autism there is a couple pages in the chapter on “autistic special interests” that lists a long list of different special interests; I literally remember checking almost every single one on the list as one of my special interests even though I really tried not to do just that. Anyways..

I love these things the way a person loves oxygen. I can fall into them for hours and not want to come back.
I can skip meals. I can forget to use the bathroom, or purposefully hold it in for as long as I physically can until I find myself running to the bathroom. I can lose time.

There are days when, on the outside, it looks like I’ve done nothing. But in reality, I’ve spent hours researching one thing, then another, then another, jumping from thought to thought in a way that feels completely natural to me. That’s what happens when autism and ADHD live together inside the same brain.

Sometimes people think the ADHD ruins the “purity” of my special interests because I bounce around, because I don’t always stick with them forever. But the truth is, they don’t have to last to matter. The joy is real even when it’s temporary.

There’s something I hold onto that my dad told me over ten years ago when I was still in college. He said, “You have too many ideas.”
And he was right. I do. I have too many ideas. And that’s okay.

For a long time, I thought I was supposed to act on every single one. I thought I was supposed to become an expert, an encyclopedia, a living archive of every topic that captured my heart. But I’ve learned that I can let myself have too many ideas. I can let them live and fade and come back and evolve. I don’t have to finish everything I start. I don’t have to know everything. I don’t have to feel disappointed in myself for being pulled toward too many things.

Having too many ideas is part of who I am. It’s not a flaw. It’s a pulse.


Special Interests Aren’t Always Practical

Sometimes my special interests pull me into situations that are chaotic or hard to explain.

There was a day I was working at a law firm, doing reception and assistant tasks. I was supposed to be finishing something for the lawyer I worked for, but there was a snake plant in the office that caught my attention.

It didn’t really need to be repotted. But I couldn’t stop myself. I got distracted, started messing with the plant, and before I knew it, I was fully, aggressively repotting it in the middle of the office. Dirt was everywhere. It got all over my dress. I was sweating like crazy. I knew I should stop, but I couldn’t. The pull was too strong.

The task I was supposed to finish? Never got done.

I’m sure the lawyer and my coworkers thought I was out of my mind. And honestly? It’s kind of funny now. But it’s also real.

This is what special interests can do. They can take over. They can call your full attention whether it makes sense in the moment or not. And that’s not something to apologize for—it’s something to understand.


What I Wish People Knew

Special interests aren’t obsessions in the way people often mean when they use that word.
They aren’t distractions.
They aren’t problems to be managed.

They are anchors. They are comfort. They are joy. They are windows into the world. They are how I fall in love with life over and over again.

Sometimes people want to shame autistic people for being “too intense” or “too much” about the things we love. I wish people knew that the intensity is what makes it beautiful. I wish people knew that this is how we connect to ourselves. I wish people knew that sometimes, when the world is too fast, too loud, and too painful, a special interest is the thing that saves us.

Please don’t tell us we’re too much. Please don’t roll your eyes. Please don’t call it weird.

Let us love what we love.

Special interests don’t make life smaller. They make life big enough to hold us.

A person sitting on the floor next to several plant pots, surrounded by dirt and plant debris, with a focused expression, indicating engagement in repotting plants.

👉 What Is Neurodivergence? (And Why You Should Know About It)

Neurodivergence is a word you might hear tossed around more and more lately — but what does it actually mean? Is it just about autism? ADHD? Something else? Let’s break it down together.


1. What Neurodivergence Really Means:

Neurodivergence simply means that a person’s brain works differently from what’s considered “typical” (or “neurotypical”).
It’s not automatically good or bad — it’s just different.
And different isn’t wrong.

Neurodivergent people often experience the world, emotions, communication, and thinking patterns in ways that don’t line up with what society expects.

Some common forms of neurodivergence include:

  • Autism
  • ADHD
  • Dyslexia
  • Dyspraxia
  • Tourette’s
  • OCD (sometimes included, though it’s complex)
  • And many more

2. Why Neurodivergence Matters:

Because the world is mostly built for neurotypical brains, neurodivergent people are often misunderstood, shamed, or forced to “mask” who they are.
This can lead to:

  • Misdiagnosis (especially for women and marginalized groups)
  • Chronic exhaustion and burnout
  • Mental health struggles
  • Feeling like “something is wrong” when it isn’t

Understanding neurodivergence isn’t just for those of us who live it — it’s for everyone.
Because empathy, inclusion, and real acceptance start with knowing the truth.


3. Real Life Example:

Imagine you’re in a classroom where everyone learns best by listening to lectures — but you learn best by touching, moving, or building things.
The teacher says, “Sit still. Listen. Stop fidgeting.”
You start believing you’re broken.
But you’re not.
You just learn differently.
That’s neurodivergence in action.


4. Final Thoughts:

Neurodivergence isn’t a “problem” to be solved — it’s a beautiful, valid way of being human.
If you’ve ever felt “different” in ways you couldn’t explain…
If you’ve ever burned out trying to act “normal”…
If you’ve ever felt like you’re wired for a different rhythm of life…
You’re not alone.
You might just be neurodivergent. And that’s something to honor, not erase.

The Revolution Starts with Real Conversations

Note:
Communication is such a powerful thing — when it’s real, when it’s clear, and when it comes from a place of respect. Today I’m sharing some thoughts about why speaking honestly, listening with care, and making sure we’re understood matters so much. A little communication can go a long way.


The other day, someone asked if I could help with something — but they didn’t really ask. They hinted at it. And I completely missed it. Later, when they finally said it clearly, I was like, “Ohhh, now I get it.”
It wasn’t that I didn’t care — it’s just that I need people to say things directly. And honestly? I think the world would be a better place if we were all just a little more clear with each other.

There’s something really powerful about true communication. Not just talking, but really connecting — where both people listen, both people share, and both people feel understood. When that happens, even the heavy things feel a little lighter. The world feels a little more manageable.

Good communication isn’t just about saying words. It’s about making sure what we say lands — that it reaches the other person in a way they can actually understand. We can’t expect people to read our minds. We have to say it out loud, clearly enough that the message doesn’t get lost somewhere between hoping and guessing.

For me, being autistic means I genuinely need straightforward communication. Hints and polite suggestions usually fly right past me. I need — and appreciate — when people just tell me plainly what they mean. Some people worry that being direct might sound harsh or bossy, but it’s really the opposite. Clear communication is one of the kindest gifts we can give each other. It builds trust. It eases anxiety. It makes space for real connection.

When we listen with care and speak with clarity, we make the world a little softer, a little safer, and a whole lot stronger. And that’s the kind of world I want to live in — one honest conversation at a time.


This Is Me: Paint, Blinks, Likes, Ums, and All

Hola!

This is video #2 that I’m posting. I’m not sure if I’ll keep track of the number of videos forever, but for now it feels right.

This is just me being me — on video — even though I’ve never really been a “video of myself talking” kind of person. (I had to do it for a couple of college assignments and I hated it. That’s pretty much the only time I remember having to video myself.)

This one’s a little messy. I say “um” and “like” a lot — I know. Honestly, I do use “like” way too much in real life, but it’s just a word I love and it’s part of how I talk. I’m not usually much of an “um-er,” though.

I only recorded this once and watched it once, because I’m trying not to overanalyze or turn it into something it’s not. I just want to show up as the realest version of myself that I can.

I blink too much, and to me, it’s obvious I’m still not totally comfortable doing this yet. But that’s just how it is when you’re doing something new and vulnerable — and I know it’ll get easier with time.

For the next few videos, I might try writing myself a little script so I can get my points across more clearly. But for this one, I wanted it to be 100% natural.

Also, after I watched it back, I noticed the black paint on my fingers. But I’m not going to go wash my hands and re-record just because my hands are messy. Honestly, having paint on me (and usually some dirt under my nails) is pretty much my natural state.

Sincerely,

Kayla Sue Warner

Hi, I’m Me – Why I’m Starting These Videos

I’ve shared a lot of words on this blog. But this time, I wanted to share my voice. My face. Me.

This video is the start of something new for me. It’s a little messy, a little scripty (I won’t lie), but it’s mine.

I’m not here to perform or perfect. I’m here to connect. To talk honestly about the things that matter—neurodivergence, burnout, healing, identity, feminism, softness, survival, joy.

If any of that resonates with you, welcome. You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.

When was the last time you let yourself show up imperfectly—and still called it brave?

I’d love to hear your answer in the comments, or just let it sit with you quietly.

Not for Attention: Self-Harm in a Neurodivergent Mind

🧠💔 A personal essay on autism, ADHD, self-harm, and the journey toward self-compassion


⚠️ Note to Readers

This post contains personal reflections on self-harm, mental health, masking, and neurodivergence. Please read with care and compassion. If you are struggling, know you are not alone—resources are listed at the end of this post. I’m sharing this in hopes that someone else might feel seen.


I Didn’t Know Why I Did It

I was 21 the first time I self-harmed. It was the night of my sorority’s spring formal—an event I had spent weeks planning as the Vice President of Event Planning for Pi Beta Phi. That role wasn’t one I wanted; I took it on out of guilt and obligation when the original officer stepped down for her own mental health. No one else was willing to step up, and I didn’t want our chapter to fall apart under pressure from national headquarters.

So I did what I’d always done: I took on too much. I wore the perfect face. I planned the perfect party. I made sure everyone else had the time of their lives—even though I was barely surviving mine.

After the event, I went out with my boyfriend and friends to celebrate. Everything seemed fine. But later, back in my boyfriend’s room at his fraternity house, something broke. I sat down on the floor and started crying—hard. Full-body, couldn’t-stop sobbing. And then I started scratching the back of my neck, my arms, my shoulders. I pulled at my hair in sharp, frantic handfuls. It wasn’t premeditated. It wasn’t attention-seeking. It was a release. It was a meltdown. I didn’t know that word back then, but that’s what it was.

He pulled me into his arms and stopped me. And then I never spoke about it again.


The Perfection Trap

Looking back, it’s not surprising that it happened then. I was exhausted—emotionally, mentally, physically. But I didn’t know how to name it, and I didn’t feel like I had permission to admit it. I was a “high-functioning” sorority girl with leadership roles and a big smile. I was the girl people could count on. And I believed that being good meant never showing pain.

So I didn’t.

I buried it. I kept moving forward. I acted like it had never happened—because that’s what perfection required of me.


The Part of the Story I Didn’t Know Yet

It would be years before I’d begin to understand that I’m autistic. That I have ADHD. That my brain has always processed the world more intensely than others. That I’d been masking—hiding my real self to fit in, to survive—for most of my life.

That night wasn’t random. That moment on the floor was my body and brain screaming out after months (maybe years) of chronic overstimulation, internalized pressure, and emotional dysregulation. I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t weak. I was melting down in the only way my nervous system knew how to.

But without a diagnosis, without language, without community or support—I thought it was just me. I thought I had snapped. I thought I was broken.


Teaching Burned Me Out Again

The next time it happened, I was a teacher—three years into my career at a public elementary school in Florida. I was overworked, under-supported, and living on Diet Coke, potato chips, and 3 hours of sleep a night. I stayed late at school. I brought home papers to grade and lessons to plan. I gave everything I had to my students and had nothing left for myself.

One night, the scratching and hair-pulling came back. I remember the sting, the sharpness, the brief moment of stillness that followed. The next day, a fourth grader asked about the marks on the back of my neck. I wore my hair in a bun every day, so they were visible.

I lied. “Oh, it was my cat,” I said. She believed me. Of course she did.

But they didn’t look like cat scratches.


It Wasn’t for Attention. It Was to Survive.

Self-harm is so misunderstood. Especially in neurodivergent people.

It wasn’t about getting someone to notice me. It was about trying to regulate a body that had gone completely dysregulated. It was a way to feel when I felt nothing. Or to distract myself from feeling too much. It was my brain’s desperate attempt to cope with things I didn’t know how to express in words.

And even when I did try to speak, I didn’t feel like I was allowed to.


Now I Know Better. Now I Treat Myself Kinder.

Today, I know that autistic and ADHD people are more prone to self-harm. Not because we’re “crazy” or “unstable” but because our brains and bodies are wired to experience the world in intense, overwhelming ways. We are more likely to internalize shame. More likely to mask. More likely to burn out quietly.

I’m not immune now. But I have better coping tools. I’ve found gentler ways to let the feelings out—through art, poetry, walking in nature, meditation, painting galaxies and wildflowers. I’m learning to ask for help. I’m learning to listen to myself when the early signs show up.

And I’m not pretending to be perfect anymore.


A Letter to My Younger Self

Dear Me at 21,

You weren’t crazy.
You weren’t too sensitive.
You weren’t weak.

You were breaking under the weight of a world that never taught you how to live in your body.
You were trying to carry everyone’s expectations without dropping your own.
You were masking pain with smiles and success and silence.

And when you finally cracked, you thought that meant something was wrong with you.

But all it meant was this:

You were overwhelmed.
You were hurting.
And you needed help.

I see you now.
And I love you fiercely.

You made it.
And you’re still making it.

Love,
The version of you who finally knows she never had to be perfect.
The one who wears softness like armor now.


Healing Isn’t Linear—But I’m Not Hiding Anymore

Up until this past summer, the self-harm moments had become more frequent than ever. It scared me. It felt like I was back in that place again—on the floor, overwhelmed, and alone.

But this time was different.

Because this time, I finally had answers. I was diagnosed with autism. And instead of shame, I felt relief. I was getting the help I needed. My parents, my siblings, and my friends showed up for me with love and support. There was no judgment. No pretending. Just care. And that made all the difference.

I still have moments. The past year has been one of the hardest of my life. So many changes. So much processing. So much unraveling.

But I also have more tools now. I can talk about the hard stuff instead of hiding it. I can lean on my boyfriend and my family. I can say “I’m not okay” without feeling like I’ve failed.

It still happens sometimes—but I don’t carry the shame anymore. I don’t keep it secret. And every time I speak it out loud, every time I let someone in, it loses a little more of its power over me.

I’m still working on it.

But the more I understand what’s really happening inside me—the sensory overload, the masking fatigue, the emotional spirals—the more I can show myself compassion. And the less alone I feel.

And that, to me, is healing.


💛 Resources


A Girl Out of Time

🕰️ The Timewalker: Part One – The Threads We Carry

This is the first part of a story I’ve been writing—about Wren, a young autistic and ADHD woman who can time travel with her black cat, Cat. She doesn’t change history with brute force—she changes it with empathy, insight, and by seeing what others miss. This is for anyone who’s ever felt too much, asked too many questions, or been told they don’t belong. You do. We always have.

A quote on aged paper reads: 'If I cannot change history now, perhaps I can plant questions in the hearts of women who will.' - Eliza Schuyler

Chapter One: The Crack in the Wall

Wren didn’t notice the crack until Cat meowed at it.

She was mid-scroll, knees pulled up to her chest, half-wrapped in a blanket burrito on her thrifted couch. Outside, the sky was sulking in that half-hearted spring way—too grey to be comforting, too cold to justify another hot chocolate. Cat, for his part, had been sitting by the back wall for a solid ten minutes, staring like it had personally offended him.

“Okay,” she muttered. “What existential threat have you found now?”

Cat flicked his tail once, slow and deliberate, and didn’t look at her.

Wren squinted at the wall. She’d lived in this studio apartment for three months now. The paint was peeling. The windows whined when the wind blew. The radiator was possessed. But the wall? The wall had never cracked before.

She stood, her joints stiff, and padded over in sock feet. The air near the wall felt colder. Not “the landlord forgot to insulate” cold—off cold. Like a breeze from a place that wasn’t here. She pressed her hand to the surface.

The crack was hair-thin but long, stretching like a jagged smile from the baseboard halfway up the plaster. Wren traced it with one finger. It thrummed faintly beneath her touch, like a heartbeat. Like it was… waiting.

Nope. Nope nope nope.

She stepped back. “Okay, no haunted apartment wall nonsense today.”

Cat meowed again, sharper this time.

Wren sighed. “You’re a menace.”

She scooped him up. He was heavier than he looked, all muscle and indignation. He immediately began to purr, but his eyes stayed fixed on the wall.


Wren had always noticed things other people didn’t.

The way certain lights buzzed so loudly she couldn’t think. The subtle shift in someone’s tone before they got annoyed. The patterns in ceiling tiles. The weight of words unsaid.

It wasn’t magic, exactly. Just her brain doing its own thing. A blessing and a curse, depending on the day.

Today, it mostly felt like a curse.

She’d been running on fumes for months before she finally crashed. Dropped out of her grad program. Stopped replying to texts. Moved back to her hometown because the rent was cheap and nobody asked questions.

Everyone said she was “too smart to burn out.” As if intelligence could somehow override sensory overload or social exhaustion. As if she hadn’t been masking since age five and it didn’t cost her everything.

The only one who didn’t expect anything from her was Cat. And possibly the wall.


That night, Wren couldn’t sleep.

She lay on her side, staring at the ceiling fan creak its slow, tired circles. Cat was curled at the foot of the bed, snoring in his own weird little way—like a tiny engine powering some ancient machine.

At 2:13 AM, she got up and padded to the wall again.

The crack was glowing.

Barely. Faint enough she might have missed it if not for the way the light danced—blue and silver, like moonlight on water.

She knelt. Reached out.

The moment her fingertips brushed the glow, the air shifted. Her room dissolved.

The couch, the radiator, the fan, the city outside—gone.

Replaced by warmth. Dust. Sunlight filtering through olive trees.

And a boy in a white tunic staring at her like she’d just fallen out of the sky.

Which, to be fair, she sort of had.

Chapter Two: Olive Branches and Open Mouths

The first thing Wren noticed was the heat.

It wasn’t the cloying humidity of Florida, or the stale radiators she grew up with—it was dry and golden, like sunlight had been ground into dust and sprinkled across the earth. The air smelled like dirt, thyme, and something floral she couldn’t name.

The second thing she noticed was that she was barefoot.

The grass was soft but scratchy. Too real. Too here. She looked down and realized her hoodie and leggings were still on her body, but the crack in the wall—the wall—was nowhere in sight.

And the boy in the tunic was still staring at her.

He looked about her age, maybe younger, with a face carved in curiosity and wide, stunned eyes. His tunic was off-white and belted at the waist. He held a clay jar in one hand, frozen mid-step.

“Uh,” Wren said. “Hi?”

The boy blinked. “You speak Greek?”

Wren blinked right back. “I—what?”

The words had slipped out of her mouth in her usual accent, but he had spoken something entirely different, and she had somehow… understood it. Not like she was translating, but like her brain had already sorted it before she could even question it.

“I—guess so?” she said.

He took a cautious step forward. “Are you a spirit?”

Wren blinked. “No. Just a girl. With a cat. Who is… not currently visible.”

Cat, of course, had disappeared.

Or had never come through the crack at all.

Her stomach flipped.

“Where am I?” she asked. “This isn’t Florida. This isn’t… this isn’t 2025.”

The boy tilted his head. “Twenty-what?”

Wren took a deep breath. The scent of olive trees hit her full force. She turned in a slow circle. Beyond the grove was a cluster of stone buildings, whitewashed and glowing in the late-afternoon light. Hills rose in the distance, dotted with cypress trees. A goat bleated somewhere nearby.

“I think,” she said softly, “I just time traveled.”

The boy dropped his jar.

It shattered on the ground.


They called him Thanos. Not like the purple guy, but short for Athanasios. He led her toward the village, cautiously, like she might disappear or smite him at any moment.

Wren was too overwhelmed to do anything but follow.

Her senses were on fire. The sound of sandals against the packed earth, the way the sky seemed wider, the chirping of insects—everything was so loud, so unfiltered. There was no air conditioning hum, no traffic, no glowing screens. Just… life.

And smells. Cooking fires. Wild herbs. Animal musk. Sweat.

Sensory overload threatened to swallow her whole.

“Breathe,” she whispered to herself. “In. Out. In. Out.”

Thanos looked over, concerned. “You’re not ill, are you?”

“No. Just… autistic.”

He frowned. “I do not know this word.”

Wren exhaled through her nose. “That makes two of us, honestly.”


The village was small—white buildings with flat roofs, narrow pathways, and pottery everywhere. People wore tunics, worked with their hands, and gave Wren many side-eyes as she passed.

A woman muttered something and made a gesture with her hands. A little girl pointed and laughed. A goat tried to eat Wren’s hoodie drawstring.

Thanos whispered, “They think you’re a nymph. Or a witch. Or Hermes in disguise.”

“Well,” Wren muttered, swatting the goat away, “Hermes does have great taste in shoes.”

“Who sent you?” he asked seriously. “The Oracle?”

“I don’t think anyone sent me. Unless Cat counts.”

Thanos stared.

Wren pinched the bridge of her nose. “I don’t even know why I’m here, okay? One minute I was in my apartment, touching a weird crack in the wall, and the next I’m standing in an olive grove getting goat-nibbled.”

“I believe you,” he said. “Strange things happen in this land.”

They reached a house with wide stone steps and a columned entrance. “My father is a philosopher,” Thanos said. “He’ll want to speak with you.”

“Oh great,” Wren muttered. “A man with opinions.”


As she stepped into the cool interior, Wren paused. The house smelled like ink and parchment, and roasted garlic. A different kind of grounding.

The moment she entered, an older man looked up from a scroll. His eyes narrowed as he took her in—sweatpants, hoodie, messy bun, and all.

“Who,” he asked in a measured voice, “is this?”

“This is Wren,” Thanos said. “She fell from the sky.”

Wren opened her mouth. Closed it. Sighed. “Hi.”

The philosopher stood. “You are not from here.”

“Nope.”

“You wear strange clothing.”

“Comfy,” she said, tugging on her hoodie.

“You are alone?”

“…I lost my cat.”

There was a beat of silence.

And then the philosopher did something strange.

He smiled.

Chapter Three: The Quiet Ones

The philosopher’s name was Damon. His house smelled like intellect and olives.

Wren spent the next few days sleeping in a corner room with a woven mat, trying to make sense of the century she’d fallen into. Cat was still missing. Every morning, she scanned the hills and alleyways. Every night, she whispered into the warm, candlelit dark, “Find me, please.”

But she wasn’t idle.

She asked questions—more than most people thought proper—and she answered with precision, especially when Damon invited her to his gatherings with other thinkers.

At first, they humored her. Then they underestimated her. Then they realized she could run mental circles around them.

Wren had always thought in spiderwebs—a million threads spinning at once, connecting across time and space and seemingly unrelated things. In this world of orators and scholars, her fast, pattern-obsessed brain was suddenly not a liability but a superpower.

Still, the women never spoke.

They poured wine, prepared figs, swept thresholds.

One afternoon, Wren caught a girl named Myrine watching her.

She was maybe twelve, eyes like polished amber, and she flinched every time someone raised their voice. She barely spoke, and when she did, she whispered in rhymes under her breath.

Wren approached slowly, like she might a bird in the woods.

“You think in pictures too, don’t you?” Wren asked.

Myrine nodded so faintly it was like her head caught a breeze.

Wren knelt beside her. “Do you hate loud sounds?”

Another nod.

“Do you repeat things in your head when the world feels too big?”

This time, Myrine smiled. Not big. Just enough.

“You’re not broken,” Wren said gently. “You’re like me.”


They met in secret—Myrine and three other girls who never quite “fit.” One lined up pebbles along the edge of the courtyard and remembered everything. One hummed tunelessly and had eyes that darted everywhere, absorbing it all. One never made eye contact but painted wild, aching beauty in the dirt with a stick.

They had been called “difficult.” “Touched.” “Useless.”

Wren called them brilliant.

She told them they were ancient minds living in a world that didn’t know how to see them.

And they listened—rapt, wide-eyed, and lit from the inside.

Wren taught them how to name their needs. How to stim safely. How to use metaphors and speak in ways the world might understand. Not to conform—but to be heard.


The debate came on the fifth evening.

A philosopher named Nikandros—booming voice, broad shoulders, ego like Mount Olympus—declared that women were unfit for reason. “Emotion is their language. They do not possess the spine for truth,” he said, sipping wine like the world existed to applaud him.

Wren rose slowly.

She hadn’t planned to speak.

But rage was a kind of lightning, and she had long since stopped trying to contain it.

“If emotion disqualifies a person from truth,” she said, “then why do your men kill over insults and spill blood for pride?”

Laughter rippled across the room. Uneasy. Intrigued.

Nikandros squinted. “You misunderstand our customs.”

“No,” Wren said. “I question them. That’s different.”

Damon, seated nearby, gave a single approving nod.

“You think yourself clever,” Nikandros said. “But cleverness is not wisdom.”

“No,” Wren agreed. “But noticing patterns is. And I see a pattern in who is allowed to speak, and who is told to pour the wine.”

A stunned hush.

Wren pressed forward.

“I’ve watched women listen more closely than any man here. I’ve seen young girls calculate silence like it’s currency. We have minds like rivers and memories like maps. We see what you miss because you dismiss it.

Nikandros rose.

“Would you debate me, then?” he asked, half-mocking.

“I already am,” Wren said, and smiled.


They debated for hours. Rhetoric, logic, ethics.

Wren was relentless—her ADHD hyperfocus locked in, her autistic need for precision turned razor-sharp. She took every assumption and flipped it inside out like a garment.

When the crowd finally dispersed, it was with muttering, awe, and no clear victor.

But Nikandros sat down quietly.

And poured her the wine.


Later that night, as the sky bruised purple over the hills, Wren sat beneath a fig tree with Myrine and the others. They practiced words: “I prefer quiet.” “I need space.” “Please speak slower.”

Myrine asked, “Will girls like us ever be remembered?”

Wren looked out at the horizon.

“Maybe not by name,” she said softly. “But I think—maybe—they’ll remember the shift. Like something cracked open here, and the light changed.”

A sudden rustle behind her.

Wren turned—and there, trotting across the grass like he owned the timeline, was Cat.

“Mrrp,” he announced, tail high.

Wren let out a laugh that turned into a sob. She scooped him up and held him to her chest.

“You found me,” she whispered. “I knew you would.”

Cat headbutted her chin.

“Okay,” Wren said, wiping her face. “That’s enough emotional vulnerability for the day.”

Chapter Four: The Smell of Smoke and Salt

The wind changed first.

It swept in low and strange through the fig trees, curling at Wren’s ankles like invisible ribbon. The hairs on her arms stood up. Even Cat paused mid-paw-lick and blinked toward the hills like he heard something she couldn’t.

Wren stood slowly, narrowing her eyes at the horizon.

The world shimmered. Just slightly. Like a heat wave or a memory.

She looked at the girls, still laughing and etching patterns into the dirt.

A pang of ache tightened in her chest. She didn’t want to leave them. She hadn’t realized until now that she could.

But the tug in her ribs, the pulse in her temples—it was starting again. The same way it had before.

Time was shifting.

Calling her forward.

Cat leapt onto her shoulder like he knew what was coming.

“Tell your truths,” she whispered to Myrine. “Even if the world isn’t ready.”

Myrine nodded, solemn and glowing like she’d swallowed a little sun.

And then, in a blink—

The world fractured.

A sharp CRACK, like thunder pulled sideways. Air ripped open in front of her—a seam of light and wind and impossible sound—and Wren was lifted off her feet, not by force but by fate.

Cat yowled, claws digging into her hoodie.

There was no time to scream.

Only a flicker of images: ink-stained parchment, cobblestone streets, muskets in shadow, candles behind shuttered windows, and the smell—smoke and salt and something like revolution.


She landed hard.

On her side, in a narrow alleyway, pressed between two brick buildings that felt too close. The air was colder. Damp. And filled with sound—horse hooves, footsteps, men shouting about shipments, someone ringing a bell.

Cat launched from her shoulder, hissed at a passing rat, then casually started licking his paw like he hadn’t just been yeeted through a time-hole.

Wren groaned, sat up, and checked herself. No broken bones. Her brain was buzzing like a hive, though. The sensory input was intense—unfiltered, wild. A whole new century was crashing in.

She took a deep breath and looked around.

She was in a port town. Somewhere northern. The street signs were carved wood, and everyone was dressed in layers of wool, linen, and pride.

A boy nearby looked at her with wide eyes and dropped his basket of apples.

“Sorry,” Wren muttered, trying to act like she hadn’t just fallen out of a tear in the space-time continuum.

She stood up and adjusted her coat.

“I need to stop landing in eras where pants on women are a scandal,” she muttered.

Cat meowed in agreement.


As they wandered toward the noise of the town square, Wren caught fragments of conversations:

“…British troops settin’ up down by the wharf…” “…Governor’s tax again, it’s robbery…” “…Franklin says we need to organize…”

Wren’s heart sped up.

She wasn’t in just any moment.

She was in the thick of it—colonial America, right before the Revolution.

A time when everything was about to ignite.

And Wren, girl of patterns and paradox, had a front row seat.

She turned to Cat. “Alright, buddy. Let’s go accidentally change history—again.”

Cat blinked slowly, like he was the one keeping it all together.

They stepped into the square.

The scent of rebellion lingered in the air like smoke that hadn’t started rising yet.

Chapter Five: The Quiet Power of Eliza

The square was alive.

Voices overlapped in a symphony of tension: merchants haggling over taxed goods, young boys dodging carts with handmade pamphlets clutched in ink-stained hands, and soldiers on the edge of suspicion.

Wren kept her head low and her mouth shut. Observation first—always. That’s what made her a decent time traveler: she didn’t barge in with answers. She watched. She listened.

And she followed the thread of discomfort. That strange static that came when the world felt off—not just politically, but personally. That thread always led her to people who felt like her. People whose inner lives didn’t fit into the neat boxes history tried to fold them into.

Which is probably why she noticed her.

A woman in a slate-blue dress, standing slightly apart from the bustle, one hand pressed to her chest like she was holding in a breath. She wasn’t panicked. But her eyes… her eyes flicked across the crowd like she was scanning for patterns.

Like she saw too much—and didn’t know where to put it all.

Cat slinked ahead, tail high.

Wren followed.

When she got closer, she recognized her. From paintings. From letters she’d studied in her college history seminar, back when she was still trying to pass as “normal” and didn’t yet know her brain was wired differently.

Eliza Schuyler Hamilton.

Not yet the wife of Alexander. Still Eliza Schuyler. But already brilliant. Already overlooked.

Wren approached slowly. “Excuse me… are you alright?”

Eliza blinked, startled. “I—yes. I believe so. Just… too many voices at once. My sister says I feel everything too much.”

Wren smiled gently. “That’s not a flaw. It’s a skill—just not one this world knows how to use yet.”

Eliza tilted her head. “Do we know each other?”

“No,” Wren said carefully. “But maybe we should.”

Cat brushed against Eliza’s leg, purring softly. She knelt instinctively and stroked his fur with the kind of tenderness that made Wren’s throat tighten.

“You’re not from here, are you?” Eliza asked.

Wren’s lips twitched. “That obvious?”

“Not your accent. Your eyes. They look like they’ve seen something the rest of us haven’t yet.”

Wren took a breath. “I know what it feels like to be underestimated. To be too much and not enough at the same time. To hold so many ideas in your head it feels like you’ll crack open if you don’t let them out—but no one listens.”

Eliza stared at her.

Then slowly—slowly—she nodded.

“There is something I’ve been writing,” she said cautiously, “but my father believes it improper.”

“I’d love to read it,” Wren said. “Or hear it. Or help you finish it. Whatever you need.”

For the first time, Eliza smiled.

“Then perhaps we should talk.”


Over the next few days, Wren and Eliza met in secret corners of the garden or tucked behind shelves in her family’s expansive library. Eliza shared drafts of letters—sharp and articulate, questioning loyalty, liberty, and the roles women were expected to play in a revolution that barely saw them.

Wren encouraged her to keep writing.

They spoke of freedom—not just the country’s, but their own.

They even joked about Wren entering a public debate disguised as a young male scholar. “No one would expect a woman to argue Plato better than half the men in Boston,” Wren smirked.

“Especially not one with a cat on her shoulder,” Eliza teased.

Cat sneezed dramatically.


On the day of the debate—a gathering of men discussing “the moral implications of resistance”—Wren did exactly what she wasn’t supposed to do:

She showed up. Uninvited. Underdressed. Unapologetic.

And when a man half-drunk on brandy scoffed that women were too emotional to understand liberty, Wren rose from her seat, cleared her throat, and said:

“Then you haven’t been listening to the right women.”

And she spoke.

Not just for herself. Not just for Eliza. But for every woman who carried the revolution in her bones and was told to stay quiet.

And for once, the room listened.

Eliza, standing in the back, didn’t cheer.

She nodded. Like something had shifted.

And maybe it had.


That night, the portal returned—rising behind the Schuyler family’s stable like fog burning gold at the edges.

Eliza walked Wren there, quiet.

“I don’t know where you came from,” she said, “but you made me feel… possible.”

Wren swallowed the lump in her throat. “Promise me you’ll keep writing.”

“I will. Even if no one reads it now.”

“Someone will,” Wren whispered. “Someday.”

Cat meowed in farewell.

And then the air split open again—pulling them into the next story.

The next fire.

The next thread.

Chapter Six: Echoes in the Smoke

The portal spat Wren and Cat out into a storm of gray and silence.

Ash drifted on the wind like snow.

They landed hard, knees scraping against frozen soil. The air was thick with gunpowder and grief, the kind that clung to the bones of the earth long after the battles ended.

“Civil War,” Wren whispered, pulling her coat tighter. “Mid-war, maybe. Or just after.”

Cat pawed at a stray Union cap lying half-buried in the mud, then shook his fur out like he’d just stepped through a bad dream.

They walked.

No portal had ever felt quite like this—not just like a place, but a weight. Like the timeline was humming with pain, and history was bleeding through the cracks of itself.

Eventually, they reached a farmhouse. Crumbling at the edges, but not abandoned. Candles flickered in the window. Laundry hung limp on a crooked line.

Inside, Wren found her: an older Black woman with sharp eyes and a steadiness Wren felt all the way in her chest.

“Name’s Clara,” she said after a long pause. “You came through the woods like a ghost.”

“I’m… passing through,” Wren offered, not quite lying.

Clara didn’t press. She had the look of someone who’d seen stranger things than girls who didn’t quite fit into the year.

Clara was a teacher. A former enslaved woman who’d escaped to the North and had returned South after the Emancipation Proclamation to help build freedom from the ground up—one student at a time.

She kept a school in her sitting room, with salvaged desks and handmade chalkboards. She taught children to read and to question.

And she kept a trunk under her bed, filled with things she called important.

That’s where Wren found it.

A small, leather-bound book. Worn at the edges, pages softened by time and touch.

Not a journal.

A collection of letters.

Wren flipped one open and her breath caught.

The handwriting. The cadence. The questions.

Eliza.

The title read: “Reflections on Liberty, Womanhood, and the Hidden Cost of Revolution” – E.S.

Wren blinked back sudden tears.

“You know it?” Clara asked, curious but calm.

“She—she was a friend,” Wren said hoarsely.

Clara nodded. “Came into my hands through a Quaker family in Pennsylvania. One of the daughters was passing them around to women meeting in secret. I think her mother had gotten them from an abolitionist out of Boston. I only know this much: these words? They made me fight.

Wren swallowed hard. “Can I read it?”

Clara gestured to a rocking chair. “All the time in the world, baby.”


That night, as thunder rolled in the distance and Cat curled on her lap, Wren read Eliza’s words like scripture. They weren’t just poetic—they were strategic. Arguments for equality, compassion, education. Questions about how the country could birth freedom while binding half its people.

And in one tucked-away note, Wren found this:

“If I cannot change history now, perhaps I can plant questions in the hearts of women who will.”

Wren closed the book and held it to her chest.

It was working. Eliza’s quiet fire had traveled from girl to girl, heart to heart, until it reached Clara. And now Wren.

And that changed everything.


The next morning, Clara asked Wren to speak to her students.

“They won’t understand where you came from,” she said, “but they’ll feel what you know.”

Wren took a deep breath. She talked about asking questions, about using your voice even when it shakes, about how people had always tried to write women and neurodivergent folks out of the story—but they were never really gone. They were the margin notes in history’s great manuscript. Waiting for someone to read them out loud.

The children listened. Wide-eyed. One girl—ten, maybe—sat straight-backed in the front row, fingers tapping her knees in a rhythm Wren recognized.

After, that same girl asked Wren if it was “bad to think different from everyone else.”

“No,” Wren whispered. “It’s history’s secret engine.”


That night, the portal came.

This time, it opened not with urgency, but with purpose.

Like it knew Wren had found something she needed.

As she stood in its glow, Clara pressed the book into her hands. “Take it. Maybe someone else needs to read it next.”

Wren hugged her. “They will.”

She stepped into the light, Cat following behind, tail brushing Clara’s skirts.


Time cracked open again.

And the echoes of Eliza’s words traveled forward—riding with Wren toward whatever came next.

Chapter Seven: Ink on the Walls

The portal dropped Wren and Cat into heat and stillness.

This time, they landed in a narrow alley, the smell of fried okra and train smoke in the air, the sound of gospel floating from a distant window. The sun bore down on a small southern town—Georgia, maybe Alabama. Wren could tell from the way people looked over their shoulders when walking past the “Whites Only” signs.

Cat leapt gracefully to a nearby windowsill and meowed, annoyed.

“I know, buddy,” Wren murmured. “We’re not welcome here.”

They slipped down side streets until they found it—a faded sign above a brick building:
“The Magnolia School for Colored Girls – Founded 1892.”

Inside, everything was worn but shining with care. Fresh chalk on the board. A vase of wildflowers on the teacher’s desk. Sunlight slanting through gauzy curtains.

And standing in the middle of the room, fixing a stubborn map of Africa to the wall, was a woman in her thirties. Tall. Graceful. Eyes like flint.

She turned, startled. “Can I help you?”

“I’m Wren,” she said. “I’m… passing through.”

The woman didn’t ask how Wren got in. Just narrowed her eyes like she’d met a few mysteries in her life already.

“I’m Miss Lila Ashby. You here for the reading circle?”

Wren blinked. “The what?”

Lila smiled. “We meet after school. Read and write things we can’t say out loud in daylight.”

Wren felt that old tug in her chest. This was the person she came to meet.


That night, Lila invited Wren to stay for dinner. Collard greens, black-eyed peas, cornbread. Cat got his own saucer of milk, which he licked with exaggerated dignity.

After the meal, Lila pulled out a tattered envelope.

“I keep this with me,” she said. “Been passed down through women in my family for three generations.”

She unfolded the pages carefully.

Wren’s breath caught.

It was Eliza’s letter. The same one Clara had kept. But this one had notes in the margins. New thoughts. New fire.

Clara’s handwriting.

And below that, new lines. Slanted and graceful.

Lila’s.

“I don’t know who this Eliza was,” Lila said, voice soft but reverent, “but her words traveled like a song. Clara was my great-aunt. She taught my mother to read using this. My mother taught me.”

Wren looked up, stunned.

“She said the words would call out to the right women. The ones with questions.” Lila met Wren’s eyes. “They called to you, didn’t they?”

Wren nodded slowly. “They always do.”


That weekend, Wren sat in the back of the reading circle while girls aged ten to sixteen took turns reading passages from banned books. Some shared poems they’d written. One girl wrote about feeling like her mind was “a thousand bees and a thunderstorm,” and Wren nearly cried.

Afterward, Wren asked her about it.

“I don’t talk right. Not like the others. My teachers say I’m too loud, too fast.”

Wren knelt beside her. “You’re not broken. You’re brilliant.

The girl smiled, just a flicker. “Miss Lila says that too.”

“Miss Lila’s right.”


That night, Lila confessed that she sometimes wondered if her resistance mattered.

“They close our schools. Burn our books. Treat us like shadows.” She clenched her fists. “What if nothing changes?”

Wren handed her a note. Just a scrap of paper, but on it she’d written:

“If I cannot change history now, perhaps I can plant questions in the hearts of women who will.”

Lila read it in silence. “Eliza.”

“She did change history. So did Clara. So are you.”

Lila pressed her lips together, eyes bright. “Then I’ll keep going.”


When the portal came, Wren felt it like a breath on her neck—soft but sure.

She hugged Lila, who whispered, “Take the letter. It belongs to the ones who carry it forward.”

Wren tucked it into her satchel beside Cat, who let out a satisfied purr.

As the light began to shimmer around them, Wren glanced back one last time.

Lila was already back at the blackboard, chalk in hand, writing a new question for her students.

“What would freedom look like if you wrote the rules?”

Chapter Nine: The Vote That Wasn’t Enough

The portal opened with the crackle of static and the scent of warm asphalt. Wren landed hard on the sidewalk, Cat tumbling beside her and letting out an indignant mrow as a car with tailfins whooshed past.

They were in the South again. This time: Selma, Alabama. 1965.

There were signs everywhere.
Literal ones: “COLORED ENTRANCE,” “REGISTER TO VOTE HERE.”
And invisible ones, too: tight shoulders, wary eyes, the heavy silence of a community waiting to be heard.

Cat stuck close this time, tail twitching.

Wren ducked into a small church with a crooked sign that read “Voter Education Project – Meeting Tonight.” Inside, people filled every pew. At the front stood a young woman in a plaid dress with hair pinned back and eyes like steel.

“Tonight we don’t talk about what we can’t do,” she was saying. “We talk about what we will. We will walk. We will write. We will vote. And we will not be moved.”

Her name was Ruthie Clare Ashby—a descendant of Lila Ashby, Wren realized with a quiet thrill. And in Ruthie’s hand, just like before, was the same envelope. A little more tattered. A little more powerful.

After the meeting, Ruthie caught Wren watching.

“You one of the volunteers from the North?” she asked.

Wren hesitated. “Something like that.”

Ruthie didn’t press. She just said, “We’re marching on Sunday. Selma to Montgomery. We’re tired of waiting for justice.”


That weekend, Wren walked beside Ruthie across the Edmund Pettus Bridge. The crowd was electric—hope and fear braided together. Cat peeked out from Wren’s satchel, ears twitching.

Wren kept pace with Ruthie, who carried a sign that read:

“We hold these truths…”

But just as they reached the crest of the bridge, the police came into view—lined up, mounted, unmoving.

Wren felt time tighten around her like a fist.

And then it happened.

The charge.
The batons.
The gas.
People screaming, running, holding one another. Ruthie’s sign flying into the air like a bird with clipped wings.

Wren pulled Ruthie to the side, shielding her with her own body, Cat hissing fiercely from the bag.

When the smoke cleared, they were still standing. Bruised. Coughing. But standing.


That night, Ruthie showed Wren her version of the letter. She had copied the words of Eliza and Clara, added Lila’s teaching notes, and then something of her own:

“I march because someone marched for me before I was born.
I speak because someone was silenced.
I vote because someone was told they couldn’t.
I will not stop.”

“I don’t know if it’ll change anything,” Ruthie said, her voice low, almost breaking. “People keep saying the vote is ours. But it’s not—not really. Not yet.”

Wren reached for her hand.

“It will be. You’re making it true.”


As the portal shimmered to life behind her, Wren turned back once more.

Ruthie stood tall in the doorway of the church, hands ink-stained from writing new flyers, a group of teenagers listening to her with the kind of rapt attention people once gave prophets.

Wren knew what came next—the Civil Rights Act, the Voting Rights Act, the years of struggle ahead.

But in this moment, she let herself believe in the power of small seeds.
Because this chapter—the one about the vote that wasn’t quite enough—was still being written.


Chapter Ten: The Echo Chamber

The portal whooshed open behind an old TV repair shop, and Wren landed in a pile of garbage bags next to a neon sign that flickered “OPEN” even though it clearly wasn’t.

Cat leapt gracefully onto a rusted dumpster, tail swishing like an antenna.

Wren dusted herself off and looked around. Brick buildings. Synth-pop leaking from a boombox across the street. Teens in denim jackets and crimped hair laughing under a mural of Ronald Reagan.

The year was 1983, and America was buying what Reagan was selling:
“Morning in America.” Optimism. Patriotism. And the slow, quiet erosion of everything people like Ruthie had fought for.


Wren found herself wandering through a public library—the kind with sun-yellowed carpeting and that faint, nostalgic book smell. Cat trailed her down the aisles.

She wasn’t sure what she was looking for until she spotted a zine rack in the corner, half-hidden by outdated encyclopedias.

One stapled pamphlet caught her eye: “We Remember Ruthie Ashby.”

She grabbed it, heart racing.

Inside: grainy photographs of Ruthie marching in Selma, teaching literacy classes, protesting the closure of voting access centers.

But also: a timeline. A note about her suspicious arrest in 1971. A quote scribbled in blue ink:

“Freedom isn’t free, and it doesn’t stay. You have to keep choosing it, every day.”


Wren’s heart ached. In the zine’s final pages was a name: Tasha, Ruthie’s niece, now leading a small grassroots coalition in a city riddled with “war on drugs” propaganda and broken mental health systems.

Wren tracked her down in a community center in D.C.

Tasha was in her thirties, wearing a “Silence = Death” pin and running a voter registration booth between a needle exchange clinic and a free meal line.

“You look like you read,” she said to Wren, raising an eyebrow.

“I try,” Wren replied.

Tasha snorted. “Then read this.” She shoved a flyer into Wren’s hand:
MENTAL HEALTH RIGHTS ARE CIVIL RIGHTS.


Tasha had grown up reading her aunt Ruthie’s letters—just like Lila had read Clara’s, and Ruthie had studied Eliza’s.

Each generation passed down truth like contraband in a world that didn’t want it printed.

She told Wren about the cuts to public mental health programs, the closure of institutions with no community care to replace them, the stigma swallowing up neurodivergent people—especially poor and Black.

“We don’t get to have breakdowns,” Tasha said. “We get criminalized, or pathologized, or erased.”

Wren felt it in her bones—the aching familiarity of being misunderstood, too much, too sensitive, too different.

“You ever feel like the world wasn’t made for your kind of brain?” Wren asked.

Tasha nodded slowly. “Every damn day. But I’m here anyway.”


They stood together at a rally the next day, holding signs that read:

“Disability Rights Are Human Rights.”
“Our Brains Deserve a Future.”

And beneath her breath, Wren whispered, “So do our hearts.”

Cat purred, rubbing against her leg.

Wren didn’t rewrite a law that day. She didn’t change the President’s mind or undo the damage done by greed disguised as greatness.

But she saw Tasha hand a flyer to a teenage girl who looked like she hadn’t spoken in weeks, and the girl smiled.

And that—that was something.


The portal began to hum again, its pull gentle but insistent.

Wren turned to Tasha. “What should I remember?”

Tasha smiled. “That we were here. And we kept going.”

Chapter Eleven: The Girl Who Always Asked Why

The portal opened not with a bang, but a hum—a kind of warmth that wrapped around Wren like her favorite blanket used to. She landed softly on a sunlit patch of carpet, the air filled with the scent of plastic dolls, peanut butter, and freshly mown grass.

It was 1997.
And Wren was home.

Well… a home. Her childhood home, specifically.
Cat gave a curious chirp and padded off through the kitchen like he belonged there.

Wren stood in the living room, blinking. VHS tapes lined the entertainment center. A lava lamp bubbled in the corner. A Lisa Frank notebook sat open on the coffee table—her own handwriting looping across the page in colorful gel pen:

“WHY does everyone say I’m bossy? I’m not bossy. I just KNOW STUFF.”


She wandered into the hallway and stopped cold.

There she was. Little Wren. Eight years old. Barefoot. Wearing a bright blue Tweedy Bird shirt and pacing in front of a corkboard with tacked-up drawings and index cards labeled things like “FROGS,” “WEIRD WORDS,” “HOW DO BRAINS WORK??”

She was muttering to herself, scripting conversations and flipping a fidgety plastic bracelet around her wrist. And she looked tired—the kind of tired that sits in your bones when the world doesn’t make sense and no one believes you when you say so.

Adult Wren swallowed the lump rising in her throat.

Cat brushed past Little Wren’s leg.
The girl startled. Looked down.

“…Where did you come from?” she asked.

Cat blinked slowly and flopped over, purring like a tiny engine.

Little Wren giggled—sincerely—and for a moment, the air lightened.


Later that day, Wren watched her younger self sit at the kitchen table, frustrated as her mom tried to help with a worksheet. There was too much noise. The light buzzed overhead. The paper felt scratchy under her hand and the pencil was too loud on the page.

“No, no, NO,” Little Wren cried, covering her ears.

“I don’t understand why this is so hard for you,” her mom said.

Adult Wren whispered, “Because no one saw your wiring. But you were brilliant.”


That night, after bedtime, Wren slipped back into her childhood room and sat beside her younger self as she dreamt—still talking in her sleep, still asking questions no one ever really answered.

She left something behind before she went:
A letter. Folded, aged, and laced with everything she wished someone had told her.

“You’re not broken. You’re building.
You feel things deeply because you see deeply.
Your brain isn’t wrong—it’s a lighthouse.
Stay curious. You’re going to change the world just by surviving it.

Love,
You.”

She placed it under the pillow. Cat gave her a knowing look.

The portal opened once more, and this time it shimmered like a memory that never really left.

Chapter Twelve: The Threads Between Us

The portal dropped Wren in the middle of a city park, not far from a small lake reflecting streaks of orange and pink. It was quiet. Familiar. She knew that bench. That tree.
This was now.

Cat trotted ahead and leapt up onto a picnic table, tail flicking like punctuation.

Wren stood still. The world buzzed differently here—less dramatic than Ancient Greece or Civil War battlefields, but heavy in its own way. She’d just come from every version of the fight: for freedom, for visibility, for truth, for voice. And now she was standing in a world where the fight was quieter, sneakier, and still so far from over.

She sat down and pulled out the leather notebook she’d carried through every jump. Pages stuffed with names—Clara, Eliza, Ruthie, Tasha—and places—Athens, Virginia, Selma, Seneca Falls.

At the top of a fresh page, she wrote:

“We’ve always been here.”


Across the park, a little girl was melting down in front of a playground—screaming, overwhelmed, misunderstood. A parent looked around, embarrassed, whispering sharp instructions. Wren didn’t interfere. But she noticed.

A teenage boy sat alone on a bench, headphones in, drawing meticulous doodles into the corners of his math homework. Probably called lazy, maybe just lost. Wren saw him.

Nearby, a group of college students rallied with signs reading:

“Neurodivergent Not Broken.”
“Mental Health Is a Right.”
“We Are the Future, Too.”

Wren smiled.

Cat meowed loudly at a passing jogger and curled into Wren’s lap like a weighted blanket. She scratched behind his ears.

“I get it now,” she murmured. “Everywhere I went, there were people like me. Hidden. Dismissed. Fighting quietly.”


That night, Wren sat in her apartment surrounded by old books, protest pins, and sketches of portals she’d drawn half-asleep. Cat lay curled beside her notebook as she flipped through her memories.

She thought of Little Wren and the note under the pillow.
She thought of Clara’s courage. Eliza’s words. Ruthie’s fire. Tasha’s grit.

And she thought of her own.

What if I’m meant to be the bridge?
Not just between time periods… but between people. Between systems and voices. Between the past and the possible future.

She didn’t know how, not yet. But she knew this: she would not be erased. And she wouldn’t let others be, either.

The portal hadn’t opened again yet. But Wren didn’t mind.
Maybe this time, she’d build one.

End of Part One: The Spark

The portal didn’t open again that night.

It didn’t need to.

Wren lay on her back, Cat purring on her chest, and stared at the ceiling as if it were a canvas. She had stories now—ones history never told quite right. She had questions to keep asking, and maybe even some answers to give.

She whispered to the stars outside her window:

“We’ve always existed. Now we begin to be seen.

Somewhere in the future, a ripple started.

And Wren—neurodivergent, brilliant, imperfect Wren—was ready to make waves.


End of Part One: The Threads We Carry


📣 Coming Soon: Part Two – The Reckoning and the Rise

Wren has seen what happens when stories are erased—and what happens when people carry them forward anyway. In Part Two, she’ll face resistance from those trying to rewrite history, glimpse possible futures, and begin creating a movement of her own.


💬 What part of Wren’s journey spoke to you?

Would you time travel if you could?
Have you ever felt like the world wasn’t made for your kind of brain?
Drop a comment, share this story, or just sit with it. Your voice matters. You always have.

  1. Hi Kayla Sue 🙂 I just found your blog via one of your posts (which showed up as a search…

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Honestly, I’m Just Honest

A person in a bathroom mirror taking a selfie. They are wearing a purple shirt and a black jacket, with sunglasses hanging from their shirt. The bathroom has beige tiles and a Gojo hand sanitizer dispenser visible on the wall.

People tell me I’m honest like it’s a surprise. Like I’ve just blurted out a confession or a truth they weren’t expecting — and they either nod with admiration or laugh like I’ve just told the world’s driest joke.

And I guess the truth is: I don’t know how to be any other way.

I’ve never had the energy for pretending. Not for long, anyway. It’s like my brain doesn’t know how to hold two versions of the truth at once — the real one and the one people might want to hear. So, I say the real one. Gently, if I can. But still, I say it.

And sometimes, I’m too honest — especially about myself. I’ll share something raw or vulnerable, thinking I’m just being open, and then I’ll get that awkward silence or a half-smile followed by, “Maybe you shouldn’t have said that.” People have told me it wasn’t the right time or place. That it made them uncomfortable. And I get it — kind of. But also, I don’t.

Because I wasn’t trying to make anyone uncomfortable. I was just telling the truth. I didn’t know better. I wasn’t trying to shock or overshare. I just don’t feel like I have much to hide. So it’s hard when other people act like I should. Like honesty about yourself is something to be rationed or kept behind glass.

When that happens, I feel this particular type of shame — like I broke some invisible social rule I didn’t know existed. And I hate that feeling. It makes me want to disappear and never say anything again. But I always do say something again. Because that’s how I process the world — honestly, openly, and usually without a filter.

One moment about honesty that has really stuck with me happened during one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made. I was teaching at St. Paul’s Catholic School in Pensacola, and I knew I wasn’t mentally well enough to keep doing my job at the capacity my students deserved. I brought that truth to my principal — a wonderful, wonderful woman whom I deeply admire — and one thing she said to me was: “It’s good that you’re being honest with yourself.”

And that really stayed with me. It reminded me how powerful self-honesty can be — how freeing it is to speak the truth out loud, especially when it hurts.

But I’m still not sure what level of honesty is appropriate around other people. Is there a line? Or is it okay to just be honest, period — and let other people sit with the discomfort of the truth? Because otherwise, I’m the one sitting there, uncomfortable, holding it in. And I don’t think that’s fair either.

What’s especially wild is that usually, it’s the people who are big “MAGA” Trump supporters who’ve told me I should tone it down. To watch what I say. To keep certain things to myself. And those same people are the first to say, “I just love how honest Trump is,” like that somehow makes the things he says okay.

They’re not okay. Not even close. Not even a little. In fact, a lot of what he says is freaky — like in a scary, very very scary way. But sure, let’s police honesty when it’s soft and vulnerable and real… and praise it when it’s cruel and loud and dangerous. Makes total sense.

Sometimes I wonder if “honesty is the best policy” actually means anything. People usually say it when they’re not being honest at all — or when they’re about to say something that is true but also kind of mean. I try not to do that.

I really believe in gentle honesty. Telling the truth with care. Being real without being reckless. Being warm even when the words are hard.

Still, people laugh. They say I’m funny — usually right after I’ve said something deeply true without meaning it to be a punchline. I’ve decided I’m okay with that. If my honesty makes people laugh and think at the same time, that’s not the worst thing.

So yeah. I’m honest. Not because it’s a strategy. Not because it’s brave. Just because it’s me.

And maybe — just maybe — that’s enough.

Honestly, Me

A person wearing sunglasses with the text 'I CAN LOVE ME BETTER THAN YOU CAN' reflecting on the lenses, smiling and resting their chin on their hand, in a casual indoor setting.

🧘‍♀️ “Meditation Isn’t Just for Monks (And Other Myths I Used to Believe)”

“You don’t need a quiet mind to meditate. You just need a moment. That’s enough.”

Let me guess:
You’ve heard about meditation.
You’ve maybe even downloaded an app once.
You tried sitting still for three minutes, got annoyed at your own thoughts, and decided, “Yeah, no. This isn’t for me.”

Same.
Until it was.

I used to think meditation was only for people who drank green juice, went to Bali on silent retreats, or lived in mountain caves. I didn’t think it was for someone like me—messy-minded, overthinking, overstimulated me.

But then life got heavy. And loud. And fast. And my brain got tired of always being “on.” So I sat down one day, hit play on a five-minute guided meditation, and tried again.
This time, I let it be awkward. I let my thoughts wander. I didn’t try to “clear my mind.”
I just… breathed.
And wow.


✨ So Why Should You Try Meditation?

Even if you’re skeptical. Even if you’re fidgety. Even if you “don’t have time.”
Here’s why:

🧠 1. Your Brain Will Thank You

Meditation improves focus, memory, and emotional regulation. It literally changes your brain. Like, MRI-scan-level changes. More gray matter in areas linked to learning and memory. Less activity in the amygdala (hello, stress reduction). Science says so.

🫀 2. Your Body Will Too

Lower blood pressure. Reduced cortisol levels. Better sleep. Fewer headaches. Less muscle tension. It’s like giving your nervous system a spa day—no appointment needed.

💥 3. It Teaches You How to Pause

Instead of reacting to every annoying thing or spiraling into panic, you learn to take a breath. A beat. A moment. That’s powerful stuff, especially in a world that loves to rush.

💬 4. You Don’t Have to “Do It Right”

There’s no perfect posture or empty mind requirement. You can lie down. You can fidget. You can have thoughts. Meditation isn’t about shutting your brain off—it’s about noticing what’s going on in there, gently and curiously.


🪷 My Personal Practice (a.k.a. Realistic, Lazy-Girl Meditation)

Some days I sit cross-legged and light a candle. Other days I meditate while walking, doing dishes, or lying flat on my back in bed.
Sometimes it’s 15 minutes.
Sometimes it’s 90 seconds.
All of it counts.
The win is in showing up, not in doing it “perfectly.”


Still Not Convinced?

That’s okay. You don’t have to become a zen master overnight. But what if you just gave it 3 minutes today?
Close your eyes.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
That’s it.

You’re already doing it.

Be Yourself, But Not Like That (Unmasking, One Post at a Time)

“Be Yourself, But Not Like That”
 🧠 An essay from Unmasking, One Post at a Time — Entry Three


“Be yourself,” they say. But only if it makes everyone else comfortable.


A woman wearing a yellow raincoat stands outdoors with her hair blowing in the wind, against a cloudy sky and a water backdrop.

💬 The Double Bind

“You should just be yourself!”

Except when I try, it’s suddenly too much, too weird, too intense, too soft, too different. The social advice to “be yourself” often comes with invisible conditions — ones that feel impossible for someone like me to meet.

I’ve learned that the world doesn’t actually want authenticity. It wants a curated version of it — one that doesn’t disrupt the flow, question the vibe, or take up space in a way that makes people uncomfortable.

Especially if you’re autistic. Especially if you’re a woman.


🧍🏽‍♀️ The Teacher Friend

At Warrington, one of the hardest jobs I’ve ever had, I had a teacher friend who told me I needed to stop caring so much. She wanted me to act like her — tougher, louder, colder. She said it would help me survive the chaos of our school. Maybe she meant well. Maybe she didn’t. I was too exhausted to know the difference.

The truth was, I needed support. Teaching was goddamn hard. I was pouring everything into those kids. But I couldn’t turn off who I was. I couldn’t fake being callous or detached. That’s not how I work — and it never has been.

When I did show up as myself, when my real personality inevitably bubbled through, she and another teacher would make fun of me. Little digs, little laughs. I started shrinking. Quieting. Second-guessing everything. I was still burning out, just more silently.


👗 The Panama City Girls Trip from Hell

Another time, I went on a trip to Panama City with two girlfriends who made me feel like I was failing some invisible test of womanhood. They wanted me to like the things they liked. Dress the way they dressed. React to the world how they did. I didn’t — I couldn’t. So I spent the trip trying to disappear.

I ended up getting so drunk one night that I peed on myself. I was trying so hard not to feel anything, to be someone else, to escape the absolute discomfort of not belonging.

I wanted to go home. I wanted to be alone. I didn’t want to be anyone but me — but I didn’t know how to be me without paying for it.


🔁 Repeat

This wasn’t a one-time thing. It’s been the pattern.

Be yourself — but not like that.
Have emotions — but not those ones.
Talk — but not too much.
Don’t talk — but don’t be weird about it.

People want quirky, not clinical. Empathy, not shutdowns. Passion, but in moderation. And always — always — the kind of “different” they can laugh at but never be uncomfortable around.


🌱 What I Know Now

I know now that those friendships weren’t safe. They weren’t made for someone like me to exist in fully. But at the time, I thought I just had to try harder. Be better. Be cooler. Be quieter. Be… less.

But you know what?

I’m done with that. I’m done trying to be someone else’s idea of tolerable.

Because being myself — actually being myself — has cost me a lot. But it’s also brought me home.

To the right people.
To real softness.
To joy I don’t have to explain.
To art and cats and poetry and long walks and all the weird, wonderful things that make me me.

A woman wearing headphones and a blue beanie is holding a twig with small green buds, smiling slightly at the camera.